The other night, I don’t know what happened, it was Monday and a group of us went to Lost Lake where I accidentally got way too drunk.
I took shots.
After all these years I should know better, and yet I still think that my body has adapted, that I can handle them now. We left Lost Lake and two friends went to bed because they had to work the next day, but I did not. My other friend and I went to Wymans where we took more shots. He and I were having a private conversation and yet this drunk asshole kept interrupting us.
This was the first time in a very long time that I have interacting with such a blatant misogynist. I guess I could consider myself lucky for being able to surround myself with such non-assholes for so long. This guy made me feel a rage I have not felt in quite a long time.
Besides him interrupting us and being a complete misogynist he was also an egomaniac–he continually bragged about what an awesome person he was because he saved 100 lives a day doing super amazing scientific work and how he basically ran all of the city of Austin. He knew everyone. He could hook up anyone with anything. And then bro time came out where he tried to prove his point by hooking up my friend with a bunch of numbers to people that could help him get a job. When he took a moment to take a drink aka shut up I asked him how he was going to hook me up with people, since he OBVIOUSLY had so many connections. It was at this point he proved his pure woman-hating ways and more or less explained to me that I was an idiot woman he didn’t care to help. Then he ignored me and tried to talk to my friend some more about how awesome of a scientist/Austin-networking guy he was.
Because I was drunk, but not quit belligerent I excused myself to the bathroom so I would not rip his balls off and shove them down his throat.
I, of course felt hurt, saddened that someone could be so rude, but more than that I felt sorry for him. He will never know what it’s like to truly care about other people, he will continue to live a life where all he does is attempt to impress others instead of love them. His foundation of self-esteem is so low that no matter how successful he becomes he will never be satisfied. He will become bitter, resentful of the world. And no one will ever like him. Truly like him. He will more than likely find people who will use him, but he will also use them, a symbiotic relationship of fake-ness in an attempt to feel fuller.
So yeah, he pissed me off, but I did not let it get to my core being.
There are a lot of experiences such as these that build up and can really bring a girl down, something that I’m learning to do is to not take other people’s words or action as truths to who I am. This seems obvious but it’s much harder than it sounds. When people say negative things about you it’s difficult not to take that in and believe it, but it’s necessary to let it go. His words are reflections of his beliefs, not mine. Of course, I wish I would have told him off, but all I can do is better prepare myself for my reactions if anything like that ever happens again.
I will for sure no longer be taking shots (plural).Though puking all day is a rather humbling, almost spiritual experience–but that’s another topic for another day.