I think it might be a bit much to expect a vacation to be a transformative experience. It might be a bit much to even think it will be relaxing. How exactly is throwing one’s self into an entirely new environment relaxing? I am not quite sure.
But while attempting just that, lying on the beach at Waikiki, I made a stunning overall analysis about the (united) states of minds. I am not discounting myself in this equation when I say that the majority of our population is negative.
Negative in thought.
Perhaps it’s because I’m on a tour bus with a bunch of grumpy old people who have to have the temperature always at exactly 71 degrees, but I don’t think it’s that. Because we’re all here to have a good time. And yet some times the “bad,” i.e. judging everything around us, gets in the way of experiencing the good.
I came to this conclusion mostly because everything and everyone was annoying me. Not knowing where to go for happy hour, having to repeat myself over and over because old people can’t hear, sitting on a tour bus with a driver who couldn’t stop talk/singing, feeling rushed when all I wanted to do was watch hot surfer guys be hot surfer guys, etc. etc.
While in these moments I am grumpy. Grumpelstiltskin I acknowledge that I am grumpy and yet I cannot do anything to snap out of it. The only thing that usually works is “me” time, where I go and get back in my head and analyze what’s going on. IN MY HEAD I am always better at the end of “me” time and I think I can return to humanity, but then I return and grumpfest 2.0 gets sparked almost immediately.
I am completely flawed in this manner.
I want to be one of golly-gee-wee good spirited people who “loves to laugh.” A person who can just brush off the thoughtless ignorance of others, because as my grandma pointed out, it doesn’t bother anyone else but me.
We all have different ticks that set us off.
But what’s the best method for getting back to cool after the ticking off?
See, I was next to this couple on the beach for over an hour and because they were talking and I was just lying there I totally eavesdropped on the conversation. It was then I noticed the mega-nega: don’t, not, never, no, can’t, won’t, etc. that highlighted their dialogue. Every sentence was rooted in failure, theirs or that of those around them.
I don’t want to be like them when I’m that age. I don’t want to be like them now.
What I feel I am neglecting is the power of language. I have to change the dialogue in my own head first. Perhaps when I do and I am a more positive person my unconscious mind will lead me to sit next to more goodygeegollywolly people instead of people who ran out of bologna and need to make a mad dash Walmart run in rush hour traffic.
For the rest of the trip I am going to work on being more conscious of my word choice and to just “be” wherever I am, to go with the flow, to hang loose.
I am going to laugh in the face of everything that annoys me, “oh, you thoughtless assholes amuse me with your super selfish selves.” “Oh, you can run backwards down diamond head trail with a bottle balanced on your head = talent.” “Oh, you want to wake up at 4:30 in the morning, holymoly alright! Let’s beat the sun!”
See, I’m a better person already.