The Period Means Go.

28 05 2012

It’s the home stretch now kids. Only four more days of Manless May. I realized that I accidentally scheduled hanging out with a man tonight. I may have to cancel, even though I don’t think it technically counts, but just in case.

It doesn’t count because the best thing happened to me the other day.

Can you guess?

It’s what I’ve been waiting for for months. Four months, actually.

My period FINALLY started!

And yes, I had gone to the doctor and they had told me that nothing was wrong even though I hadn’t bled in months, but I didn’t want to take any chances. It was one of the main reasons I gave up dating. I felt that if my body wasn’t behaving properly that I should take time off from people to give it the opportunity to revive. Now it has!

Since my period started I’ve been attempting to come up with the grossest things I can say about it to describe to people what’s happening. Here are a few of them:

IT’S LIKE A HORROR MOVIE DOWN THERE!

IT’S LIKE BRUNCH IS COMING OUT OF MY VAG!!! (this is a bloody Mary reference)

IT’S LIKE A KETCHUP BOTTLE EXPLODED IN MY PANTIES!!!

IT’S LIKE I’M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!!

Please feel free to tell me one of yours. It just doesn’t work well to have a 13-year-old-boy sense of humor and then have something so mature happen to me. I feel like I’m not grown-up enough to handle this. Because it’s been a long time. Seriously. I had a 3-day period in January, besides that, I haven’t had one for years. Years!!! Thanks to progesterone-only pills and depo (DO NOT TAKE DEPO, if you’re on it right now GET OFF, it’s SOOOO bad). Anyway, it’s sort of like I’m going through puberty all over again. I even have zits. Plenty and plenty of zits. I don’t know how many of you remember me in junior high–but damn–it’s not quite that bad, but it’s getting there.

One day balance will come.

I just have to let all the weird hormones release from my system.

Taking the month off was really good for me. I remember reading this article about women who take birth control being attracted to a different kind of man then when not on birth control (because of hormone changes). And how many times these couples end up getting married, then the woman gets off the birth control and discovers she’s not so into the guy like originally thought. Yikes. That would be awful. I’m just curious the type of guy I’m going to start being attracted to now that the hormones are closer to being out of my system. Will it be a John Wayne type or will it a James Franco type (like it has always been). Either way I’d like the person to be rich.

Perhaps June will be full of me going to expensive bars trying to find a sugar daddy.

No, no, no. I still have too much writing to do.

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