Before You Eat Lunch.

29 06 2012

Okay. I was being a bit dramatic when I said it was the “most disturbing” story I’ve heard. I have heard of similar situations happening, but I’ve only read about them. I’ve never had anyone tell me this kind of thing face to face.

This couple came in and I couldn’t tell if they were drunk or on crack or just nervous to be in the store. The girl kept giggling and the guy kept asking questions that were quite revealing about the nature of their relationship.

Sometimes I am like the politician of sex toy stores. I nod in agreement. I smile and say, “oh, yes everyone has their own valid experiences.” Because no one should be made to feel uncomfortable because of their sexual (consensual) choices. (Even though sometimes I am like wtf.)

Anyway, they ended up buying a bunch of stuff, but not before the gentleman left me with this fun tale.

His story:

While his wife was at work he decided to put her silver bullet vibrator up his butt.

For some reason, she came home earlier than he had expected so in haste he tried to pull it out really fast.

As he pulled on the cord and the cord ripped off and the bullet stayed up his butt.

Problem. 

Whatever. It’s easy to solve right?

No.

No.

No.

The guy did nothing.

NOTHING!!!

He left it up there for THREE DAYS!

Why?

Why did he do this?

Do you understand how difficult it was for me not the slap this guy? 

The best part: He informed me that he would “poop around it.”

He would “poop around” a decently sized metal rod stuck up his ass. If it’s stuck up that high and won’t come out when you take a shit the only solution is to what?

*cough* go to the hospital? 

No.

No.

No.

Order Chinese food. Duh.

So, they ordered Chinese food and he used the metal chopstick to finally dig it out.

The end.

At least they bought a bunch of lube–a preventative measure so that never happens again–let’s all hope.

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One response

9 07 2012
sophia grace

Um. Wholly chit?

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