Girl, How Did You Push That Out?

10 10 2012

Last night I went and watched a series of Brakhage films at the Film Center here in Denver (by the way, the Film Center is now the only place in Denver that plays actual film), anyway no one warned me. And then suddenly I witnessed a woman giving birth.

Like everything.

All of it.

The blood, the baby, the placenta.

I had completely forgotten about the placenta.

The film was silent but what made it more awkward was the audience was silent as well. I mean, not even a peep. All the while I’m about to have a panic attack and/or vomit on myself. The last time I saw a baby crown out of a vagina was when I said, “that is the last time I’m ever going to watch a baby crown out of a vagina.” So, when it started I thought for a moment that I was being pranked. Like there was a candid camera there or something.

Yeah yeah, I tried to appreciate the beauty of child birth. I tried. I tried really hard. But, let’s face it, it’s still disturbing, even if millions of women have done it before. It will never stop being at least a bit gross. And it definitely didn’t change my mind on the whole ordeal.

After dealing with a lot of physical torment lately via experimenting with BDSM, I think I could take the actual pain–it’s the after-effect that sounds torturing.

Children and I don’t go together very well.

They sort of freak me out.

They probably always will.

No matter how many of my friends push one or two out and no matter how much they claim their kid is different–more than likely I’ll still have trouble.

Only time will tell I suppose.

In the meantime, this is strictly a No-Baby Zone.

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