Well, This is Embarrassing.

30 10 2012

Last night I met up with this guy, who theoretically should be a really good match. He also has two masters degrees, is vegan, hates sports, etc. but just because you have basics in common doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll fall in love, or even like the person.

The encounter didn’t go so well. For one thing he was indecisive, which drives me nuts. Being the all-time assertive one in the relationship is not something I want. I’ve done that before. For many years in fact, and I’m over. I am perfectly fine with making some of the decisions, but I don’t think I should be responsible for doing it every time, all the time.

That wasn’t really the problem. Though it irritated me. And because I was irritated I got really bored and tired before he even showed up.

Finally, he did.

Then we got into this argument about how to have a conversation.

Or, more importantly, he asked me to, “tell him an embarrassing story.”

And I wasn’t in the mood.

He claimed that either 1.) Nothing ever embarrassing has ever happened to me (which would mean I’m some sort of cyborg alien human hybrid) or 2) It would have to be so embarrassing as to not want to share (which would have been completely acceptable, had that been the reason.)

I of course went with the cyborg alien human hybrid response.

Because I agree that embarrassing things have happened to me, but at the time I couldn’t think of anything worthy of story-telling. Yeah, I’ve tripped, I’ve farted at in-opportune times, I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth, but everyone has done those things. Thus, I don’t find them embarrassing. Or suitable for discussion.

I’m beginning to think I really do have something wrong with me. Perhaps it’s just basic nihilism –I don’t care if I do something awkward–I’m not existing on this planet to impress people.

At some point he said, “oh, nothing embarrassing, so are you a virgin?,” piggy-backing off a previous conversation that also didn’t go so well. As if having sex is embarrassing. Of course it is, but just like being caught with your zipper down, it’s happened to everyone. Thus, who cares?

Therein lies the main issue here– who cares. Obviously not me. This highlights why I should just stop meeting people entirely. He also implied that I was boring. At the time I would entirely agree with that. I was being boring. It was nice to be called out on it. A critical examination of my terrible dating skills. No wonder I’ve gone on so many.

And no wonder I feel it’s time for me to overhaul my personality. I don’t really know what that means or how it looks, but whatever I’ve got going on for me right now is clearly not working. For me. Or for anyone I’m meeting. So. I guess I just need to be a different person. Maybe a person who cares, who gets embarrassed, who can expose vulnerability and be okay with herself after it.

 

If not, whatever, nihilism hasn’t killed me yet.

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3 responses

30 10 2012
Bryson Strain

Hah nihilism. Egocentric more to say the cause.

30 10 2012
krystalfawn

Yeah, I was thinking it could have been that too.

31 10 2012
Sandy

They say opposites attract. Maybe you should try someone that you don’t have much in common with. Maybe you will have something to talk about.

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