10 thoughts while on a run in cheesman park

23 07 2013

1. When people smoke pot do they end up consuming the same amount in food as a person who chooses to drink alcohol instead? Like if I got high and ate a whole bag of Doritos wouldn’t that be about the same as me drinking like 4 beers?

reefermadness

2. Standing at a red light. This weird guy watering his garden looks over at me, looks back at the garden, then sticks the hose in his mouth and starts drinking from it as if the hose is a giant cock ejaculating into his mouth and he really really likes the “water.” Was he trying to tell me something, like, “hey girl I see you, seeing me watering this garden, and I just want to let you know that I’ll never water yours. . .”????

3. Am I the only one who doesn’t quite know what to do when they pass another runner? Like I always want to check them out, regardless of age, gender, race, I want to check them out to see how fit they are, how heavy they’re breathing, how much they seem to be enjoying it or not. But yet, I feel that’s invasive. Like watching someone eat or purposely listening to someone go to the bathroom.

4. And then if the guy is obviously cute. What to do? Do you give them eye contact and hope they’re into sweating heavily breathing awkward girls or do you just keep looking straight ahead because you’re “intense about working out” and this “isn’t about them?”

5. Why do my shorts seem to always want to fall off and my shirt seems to always want to come up while I’m running, like what I want more than anything is to show off my perspiring beer belly.

6. I let me friend borrow my headphones so I’ve been running with no i-pod. Sometimes I like it because it gives me a chance to clear my head, other times I don’t because I can hear myself breathing and I start to freak out because I think that I’m breathing at a ridiculously creepy asthma inducing rate and that my heart is going to implode and I’m going to die right there in the park and all the homeless people and feral cats are going to eat me.

Feral_cats

7. I have always been adamant about sidewalk etiquette. For example, if you’re walking in a group and someone is coming the opposite way. . . half of the group moves to the right single file so others may pass easily. I don’t know why this is so difficult for people. (And I also include people with their dogs in this same category of proper sidewalk etiquette.)

8. Speaking of dogs, I just may get one when I move to my next apartment. I keep checking out other people’s dogs trying to figure out which breed, size, fur ratio, will be right for me. Obviously going to go to a shelter if I get one. Mutts. “Mutt” is a weird word. Mutts are almost always badass dogs.

9. I wonder if I’ll ever get really fat. Like unhealthily obese.

10. Plastic surgery turns everyone who has it into cyborgs. Well, technically, only those with implants or lap bands etc. where something is added to the body, not taken away.

lapband

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