Have you RSVPed to the Breeding Party?

20 07 2013

Yeah, there’s a fetish for that.

They say anything you can think of in regards to sexuality, someone has done. For example think of the weirdest food and the weirdest place you can stick it–yep, someone has already tried that. Recently I was slutting around online and stumbled upon a BDSM fetish called “breeding parties.” There are a lot of different ways this can work, but basically it’s exactly how it sounds. A woman or women not on birth control have sex with several men in an attempt to up their chances of pregnancy.

It appears that the fetish can be arousing for one or both (or all) of the partners involved– like the woman could really get off on fucking lots of different men, a dom could really get off on making his sub fuck whoever he says. Whatever, I don’t really care what gets these weirdos off. What I care about is that in the end, after this party has taken place, there’s a pretty good chance that the woman is (women are) going to be knocked up.

Then it’s not a game anymore.

funny-pregnancy-test-lol

Can you imagine an entire fucking life created out of this? I mean are the people involved really wanting to become parents or are they doing it because it’s a high risk kink?

While reading about this there was a brief mention of the concept of sperm wars–which is when a woman has sex with several guys around the same time and the sperm literally competes for a spot in her ovaries. The idea being that genetically the strongest evolutionarily is going to be the winner and yay, the prize is landing as a human on earth–whoo!

I guess I’m not weird enough. More than that I think having a child is probably the biggest responsibility any two people together can have. Maybe it’s because the planet’s resources are limited or that there are a lot of un-loved people on this earth, or that kids generally suck unless their parents are super cool, but I don’t know if a “breeding party” is a really swell idea particularly if the intentions center around the deviance of it instead of the reality.

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The Sexiest Thing a Guy Can Do.

17 03 2013

(And it’s so easy!)

It’s not whispering sweet nothings in my ear, it’s not making 100K a year, it’s not being model fit with abs of steel, the sexiest thing a guy can do is make a decision.

I don’t think I’m alone with this desire either.

How many of us play this game:

via text messages, or phone conversations, or even just sitting around together. I know I have played it far too often and it usually ends with me getting annoyed and not wanting to go out at all anymore.

There are times when text messaging takes so long that I could have gone to the store, bought groceries, come back, cooked said groceries and eaten said food in the amount of time it took to figure out where we want to eat. It’s so not hot.

decisions

I understand that upon not really knowing another person well it may be more difficult because one does not know what the other person likes or where they would be good together, but please, if they like you and you like a place, there’s a big chance that they’re going to like that place too.

I just get so tired of the back and forth. Perhaps that’s why I went out with a dom for so long. He’d text me: let’s hang out. I’d say, okay. He’d say, I’ll pick you up at 8. And then we would go somewhere, no long submissive argument. And if I wanted to go somewhere specific, we’d go there, done.

Why is this so hard?

And why is this difficulty so common?

Does it actually come down to passiveness or is it the desire to please that makes these lack of decisions occur so often in our relations to other people?

I’m totally okay with picking something to do, but it should not always be one person deciding.

After doing this for years now, it’s beyond attractive to me now when people know what they want.

Decision making demonstrates a confidence that is very very sexy. We can worry about the sweet nothings, the 100K and the rock hard abs after we actually get somewhere together (and those traits will still not make a difference to me, but that’s another blog for another day).





7 Randoms: Willing to Sacrifice. . .

3 10 2012

1.) This is rough, but if you wake up with a hangover and want to feel better quicker the best thing to remedy this is to go for a run. It hurts, let me tell you, but if you want to move on to doing something more productive than sleeping or barely watching netflix put on some tennis shoes and get your ass moving. The hangover part goes away; if you feel like crap because you didn’t get enough sleep–well that’s another issue.

2.) I’m beginning to think that only masochists like working out. Have you ever met a sadist who enjoys jogging? I haven’t. There has to be some sort of connection between the adrenaline / endorphin rush of exercise and the adrenaline / endorphin rush of getting flogged. I’m sure the body is releasing very similar chemicals. (And I’m sure if I actually researched it I could prove it, but who has time for that?).

If sadists want new play partners maybe they should just bring their paddle to the gym. They could probably get a whole class of people into it, particularly if they told them it burnt a least a hundred calories per hour.

3.)  My roommate wants to go on a juice cleanse. The problem is we don’t have a juicer. So instead we thought we could just fast. Or find a different kind of cleanse. The only one we could come up with was a drinking cleanse. Where all we consumed all week was gin. Just gin. I don’t think it’s the healthiest choice.

4.) Crazy News. I just found out that my good friend is a republican.

That’s right.

Republican.

And a good friend.

Oxymoron, I do think so.

I don’t know what to do!

There are several issues here. The first is how in the world did I ever become friends with a republican and not know it?

The second is, now that I know what am I supposed to do?

It’s not like I’m so evil I’m going to stop being her friend. She’s fiscally conservative, but what I don’t ever get from that sort of republican mentality is the fact that everything intersects. So, if someone is pro-choice but is going to vote for Romney because he can “fix the economy,” one needs to look at how the economy is going to be fixed exactly when women have no rights to their bodies and have to give birth when they don’t want to and feed children they can’t pay for; all the while, the population continues to grow, resources continue to get more and more scarce, inflation becomes ridiculous, more and more people end up in privatized prisons and disease becomes even more rampant.

I don’t think someone can be economically conservative and yet be anti-choice. So yeah, that’s just one mega dramatic example of why I am in shock that I’ve been friends with this person for so long and never had these kinds of conversations before.

I think I need advice on this one.

Also, I’m going to see Obama tomorrow. We’re going to have lunch. Or I’m going to wake up incredibly early and go to a rally, either way.

5.) I’m pretty sure my neighbor has a magical rose bush. I’ve been jogging by his house since the spring and since the spring there have always been roses in bloom. And it’s weird because if they were like the same color of roses that would make sense, but almost every month it’s a different color from the same bush. I don’t get it, though I know very little about flowers. I’m just going to keep enjoying the magic I guess.

6.) Two weeks ago ish I’m at Lost Lake. It’s crowded. Out of nowhere this guy grabs my dress and pulls me over to him. He’s cute, whatever. We talk for like a minute. We exchange numbers. He finds me on facebook. Friday we end up at Beauty Bar. He talks to me for a minute and then tries to get me to come home with him. I deny this invitation. I deny it over and over again. Another friend shows up. I go talk to him. Blah blah, he leaves. The next day he sends me a text asking if I smoke marijuana. I ignore it for multiple reasons. At like 2:30 in the morning on both facebook and in a text he writes me:

“you think your so hot you can just blow me off funny” (I did not correct grammar here).

Now. I just want to take a moment with this. First of all, no one should ever talk to me or anyone else this way. Secondly, if he knew anything about me at all he would know that  1.) I don’t think I’m hot 2.) If I did think I was hot I still would never think being “hot” is an excuse to blow someone off. In fact, your physical attraction level does not lend permissions of any kind in regards to manners or behavior. People, no matter what they look like, should attempt to be thoughtful and considerate whenever possible. He obviously didn’t believe this considering how he spoke to me.

And in case you’re curious, I did respond. I told him:

“I have no idea how I blew you off. I feel uncomfortable and sad by the tone in your text. I try to surround myself with positive people who make me feel good about being alive. With that being said, I do not think I can hang out with you again. I hope you enjoy Denver.”

I blocked him on facebook.

Let’s hope if I indeed ever accidentally run into him (as Denver is a very small city) he’s chill.

7.) Finally, I need a theme song for my fall romantic life. Something that leads me away from crazy rude dudes. Summer’s theme song was Maneater by Hall and Oats. I need something equally awesome.

Maybe this?





9 Randoms: Where the Skin Meets the Paddle.

20 09 2012

1. Sometimes I feel like I need to be the center of attention and sometimes I feel like I need to be left completely alone; it becomes a problem when I can’t figure out which one it is I need at the time.

2. I’ve been single for basically a year now. Let’s do a quick recap—moved out of one Boulder apartment into a Boulder house with my now ex boss who kicked me out two months later because she fell in love with someone from ok cupid after a week of dating; a guy who would later ask me on that same dating site to pay me $500 to play with my feet. With the loss of housing I also lost my job. I moved to Denver, where I started working at a sex toy store and somewhere, either before or after that became somewhat of a slut (I’ll spare you the number). And now, now, I’m still at the store but am definitely not being slutty enough; contemplating my next move (either literally or professionally or both).

3.) I went to my first BDSM dungeon the other night. I just observed everything, but let’s face it, it is about time someone starts beating me up.

4.) On that same subject-ish. I’ve realized I have a very hard time belonging to “a community,” be it movements I actually believe in, feminism, veganism, etc. or things I want to do with my life like writing, music etc. I can do my part to get along with everyone in the group–to fit in–so to speak, but I never feel like I should be there. Or I never feel like it matters if I am there or not. I’m an outsider “just observing.” I’ve come to the conclusion that it is because I am a writer. I never take anything in too deep because deep down I am trained to critically analyze everything, to understand all sides, to watch and pay attention to the details only to note them so everyone else can understand it (whatever “it” is) better.

5.) I have moments where it takes me a good length of time to figure out what day it is.

6.) I woke up this morning remembered where my life is headed and decided it’s probably time for me to seriously start seeing a professional. People have been telling me for years to do it, but I’ve been way too stubborn, thinking it would ruin my writing and make me one of those happy chipper people I can’t stand being around.

7.) Today I begin writing episode 2 of the television series I am developing. It’s prime-time for this, though considering it is “graphic” and “phallic” in nature it probably could never be on prime time.

8.) I sell vibrators wherever I go; I mean I go to bars and convince people to come into the store and buy one. I am the worst pimp ever. Buy this great expensive toy and NEVER come back. Yay one percent commission!

9.) Where do the days go?