It Doesn’t Take a Psychic to See the Future is Bright!

26 02 2013

It just takes me. . .

I wonder how many inspirational articles I’m going to have to read before I become inspired. It’s like every day I scroll through something like How to be At Peace and Find Happiness or Why Forgiving will Make You Less of an Asshole. But I’m still kind of an asshole. Obviously, this is a process. The most repetitive idea for change is visualizing what you want and working your way towards it until it manifests. Crazily enough this has worked for me, but only in relation to hot guys. Maybe because it’s easier for me to visualize a hot guy as opposed to me in a business suit. Gross. Who wants to wear business suits?


Hot guys are easy to picture, the radiant smile, the “I’d only do laundry” on those abs, the monkey bar arms (those are bulging bicep arms that makes you want to swing from them). I can see those things in my brain. The humor, the charm, the romantic allure. Then I can simply go and look for those things via online dating or the grocery store or the bar, wherever.  When I find those qualities I can go and talk to said guy.

With my career it has not been that effortless. Maybe hot guys are easier to get because the time line is so different compared to a career. Men lack the intensity. The defining label a job gives. I can see one, I can get one and then it could be over in a day or a month or a year. But with a job there seems to be more of a commitment right off the bat. Like if I get it, it has to be “the one.”

There’s this deep-seated notion that we have to be loyal to a company that hires us so whenever we want to work for another company they will see that we have loyalty. But that’s bullshit. If a guy treats us like crap we break-up with him. If a company does the same we put up with it because they “pay” us. Because it might be difficult to “find something better.” We don’t accept that type of behavior in our social circles and we shouldn’t in our jobs.

When I visualize the perfect job it’s a job that gives me agency, that challenges me, that pushes me to make a positive impact on my surroundings—whether it’s just local changes or global. A place where I can be innovative, take risks, laugh.

Does this type of environment even exist or is this going to be another DIY project?

Either way, whether I end up doing it myself or finding a company that supports those qualities, that will be where I go next because that’s what I see and that’s what I want—even if it is more difficult to manifest. In a world where there are more single men than job openings I guess I should expect that. Time to go Old-School-Oprah and make one of those Vision Boards!


I Can’t Be Your Hipster Tonight.

20 03 2012

Last night I decided to get back on OkCupid, just for a bit. Upon my return it has been decided that I’m not going to spend as much time on it and I’m not going to message guys back just for entertainment purposes. I am immediately deleting the ones I don’t want to talk. Mainly I’m just looking for a Jake-Gyllenhaal look-alike to become my next boyfriend (I know it’s not going to happen).

Anyway, this morning I woke up with this message in my inbox:

“I can understand your rejection of the 9-5 mentality but if you have 2 master’s degree, you should be doing sometime more/better than freelance writing and social media marketing.

But enjoy your dumpster diving and PBR tall-boys. You are very unique, just like every other hipster I’ve encountered.”

When a complete stranger calls you out on how you’re sucking at life–that’s a new low point.

Yeah dude I know I should be doing something more, thanks for reminding me. I, you know, just spend every waking hour of my life drenched in guilt about it, but hey, it’s cool, we’ve never met so please feel free to express to me how I should live.

Uuggh the asshole-card. It takes a bold man to play it but when he does it works like a charm.

Because I want to message him back and call him out on being a dickwad; he’ll respond in the opposite way so he doesn’t seem like such an ass and I will magically fall for him.


Not going to let it happen.

It’s bothering me because it’s true. I want to be doing something more with my life but maybe I’m scared of the next step, that if I get a good full-time job it will change me into a business-casual person and those people frighten me. Or. I don’t know what. That if it’s serious and it’s not what I deep down want to be serious about I’ll keep doing it just because it’s “a job” and I need it.

Everyone says all you got to do is want it and work hard. I’m burnt out on both of those things. I wanted and I worked hard for years and years and I feel it got me nowhere (except in debt). So it’s difficult to keep doing it. What’s the point?

Maybe I’m like functionally depressed. Do those people exist? Like a functioning alcoholic– I don’t let my depression get in the way of my day-to-day though it’s preventing me from bigger and better things (except in my dream last night with a certain Denver stud muffin stallion).

Okay, okay, I’ll work on the bigger and better. Though I still think I need to work on my inner self before anything else. I’ll give myself a few more months. In the meantime, I’m deleting that message.