7 Randoms: Here I Go Again On My Own (with others).

8 03 2013


1. I don’t know what happened to my neighbor, either he died or went to jail, but either way his stuff was thrown all over the yard and just left there. Afterward people scavenged through it taking whatever they wanted and leaving the rest, the junk, the cardboard boxes, the old mattress—all of it is still sitting there. It weirds me out, he is obviously not an accumulation of his stuff, but when the stuff gets thrown out it’s as if that was all he had— he didn’t have anyone close enough to him to do anything with it. It seems disrespectful. Perhaps it was his karma, what do I know about the situation. All I do know is that I’d never want that much stuff nor would I want my stuff scattered all across a city sidewalk.

2. Lately I’ve been on this positivity kick. I like it. It’s growing on me. But what I’m trying to figure out is if there is a good quality level of positivity a person can have and if one can go overboard. Mainly because I’ve met a couple of people who are so chipper and quirky and positive that I think maybe they’re insane, but then I think maybe I’m just not used to being around people with that kind of energy. I don’t want to get fooled into thinking that’s what positive people act like when really that’s what crazy people act like. I suppose there’s nothing too wrong with that kind of nut-job anyway; it’s okay to live on another planet—the planet of positive power–while on earth right?

3. I’ve been reading an egh book on body language. Most of it is obvious, but there are a few things that I’ve never noticed about people before. I’ve been wondering if I change my physical stature, holding myself in more confident positions, if eventually my mental perspective will change with it.

4. There’s a job I really want in Portland. I will get it.

5. I watched a woman driving as if she never saw a bird in the road before. The car behind her was getting pissed because she kept stopping trying not to run over said bird. I have only on rare occasions not seen a bird move out of the way in time.

6. I have one week left selling dildos. In one years time I have managed to accumulate almost 20 of these contraptions. Just yesterday I concluded that the right vibrator can indeed replace a person, but only in regards to powerful orgasms, the rest—connection, intimacy, desire, lust, love, touch, comes from human to human contact, which basically says to me, throw a toy in the game when you play.

7. I had a dream that I was pregnant. I like literally saw and felt my stomach inflating. I suppose that would be nightmarish if I had not remembered that Madonna also had a pregnancy dream and her interpreter told her it did not necessarily mean a child so much as the creation of something new. A baby project in development. *wipes brow* Close one. Excited for this new creation, whatever it may turn out to be.

10 Random Thoughts: Friday the 13th is only as bad as you make it.

13 04 2012

1. I know I’ve become enmeshed in the sex toy scene when I start to wear cock rings as bracelets. Also, if I didn’t have a dirty mind before… goddess o goddess every thing people say now becomes a perverted joke… particularly if the word “come” is in the sentence–which happens more times than one would realize.

2. White trash moment, finally did it: white tank top with dark bra.

3. Yesterday this 90 year old man came in with a 90 year old woman and bought like 5 porno magazines; it was the most adorable thing I have ever seen.

4. I was supposed to go on a lunch date today, but it got canceled. I didn’t realize he couldn’t make it until I was already there (I rode my almost-brakeless bike for an adventure) so I had lunch by myself. I’m getting better at this solo stuff, woot.

5. While there the table next to me, was of course, having an “awesome” conversation. I am beginning to wonder if there will ever come a time when people don’t say sentences that begin, “well, women are like ___ and men are like ____.” I hope so. That’ll be a good day.

6. Why is Friday the 13th supposed to be bad-luck? Because of Jason? Okay. I went and looked it up–there aren’t very good reasons, they mainly have to do with money and white dudes.

7. Remember Nightmare on Elm Street and Freddy Kruger? I always get Jason and Freddy mixed up. Which movie series do I like more? I couldn’t answer that.

8. But, speaking of the Kruger family. I prefer Barbara Kruger out of all of them– she really tickles my toes. And she’s scary, but in a good way.

9. What scares me the most. . . hmm. Tough one. The perpetual idea that I will fail at what I really want to do, thus I have created an environment that distracts me from actually pursuing said want, and in turn, have created that exact failure, therefor I am living a life that should be scary but isn’t because I haven’t yet come to terms with the fact that I have given up without ever actually starting. Eww. That is depressing. I don’t want to think about it.

10. Today I will get one step closer to figuring out what I actually want to do with my life. I will draw up to four different scenarios of my future and I will gaze at them for at least a week and see which one I feel most drawn to. This will help. It must.