Taking Shots.

12 12 2012

The other night, I don’t know what happened, it was Monday and a group of us went to Lost Lake where I accidentally got way too drunk.

I took shots.

After all these years I should know better, and yet I still think that my body has adapted, that I can handle them now. We left Lost Lake and two friends went to bed because they had to work the next day, but I did not. My other friend and I went to Wymans where we took more shots. He and I were having a private conversation and yet this drunk asshole kept interrupting us.

drunk shots

This was the first time in a very long time that I have interacting with such a blatant misogynist. I guess I could consider myself lucky for being able to surround myself with such non-assholes for so long. This guy made me feel a rage I have not felt in quite a long time.

Besides him interrupting us and being a complete misogynist he was also an egomaniac–he continually bragged about what an awesome person he was because he saved 100 lives a day doing super amazing scientific work and how he basically ran all of the city of Austin. He knew everyone. He could hook up anyone with anything. And then bro time came out where he tried to prove his point by hooking up my friend with a bunch of numbers to people that could help him get a job. When he took a moment to take a drink aka shut up I asked him how he was going to hook me up with people, since he OBVIOUSLY had so many connections. It was at this point he proved his pure woman-hating ways and more or less explained to me that I was an idiot woman he didn’t care to help. Then he ignored me and tried to talk to my friend some more about how awesome of a scientist/Austin-networking guy he was.

Because I was drunk, but not quit belligerent I excused myself to the bathroom so I would not rip his balls off and shove them down his throat.

I, of course felt hurt, saddened that someone could be so rude, but more than that I felt sorry for him. He will never know what it’s like to truly care about other people, he will continue to live a life where all he does is attempt to impress others instead of love them. His foundation of self-esteem is so low that no matter how successful he becomes he will never be satisfied. He will become bitter, resentful of the world. And no one will ever like him. Truly like him. He will more than likely find people who will use him, but he will also use them, a symbiotic relationship of fake-ness in an attempt to feel fuller.

So yeah, he pissed me off, but I did not let it get to my core being.

There are a lot of experiences such as these that build up and can really bring a girl down, something that I’m learning to do is to not take other people’s words or action as truths to who I am. This seems obvious but it’s much harder than it sounds. When people say negative things about you it’s difficult not to take that in and believe it, but it’s necessary to let it go. His words are reflections of his beliefs, not mine. Of course, I wish I would have told him off, but all I can do is better prepare myself for my reactions if anything like that ever happens again.

I will for sure no longer be taking shots (plural).Though puking all day is a rather humbling, almost spiritual experience–but that’s another topic for another day.

Feminists Say F U.

23 05 2012

I try to surround myself with like-minded individuals. These people are usually feminists–whether or not they use that specific term. It’s been two years since I’ve been out of school (what have I been doing with me life!) and yet I still feel like I haven’t adjusted to reality. Like, the reality of dealing with sexists. And even worse, drunk sexists. I’ve tried different tactics but they never seem to work.

When drinking in public I am trying to have a good time, so when I encounter a stranger I try to give the person the benefit of the doubt. Last night I decided I was going to stop doing that. This incredibly drunk guy was trying to make the argument that irish men are just as oppressed as women. Seriously. The group I was with seemed to be humoring him. When he looked at me I said,”your argument is stupid, you should stop talking.” And of course, he didn’t stop talking. To which I was like, “no, really, shut the fuck up.”

Perhaps it’s the season of bitchiness. I’m not going to sit around and have stupid conversation with jackasses any more. Sure, I’d love to be able to have an intelligent conversation with someone on the topic of oppression in the Americas but most of the time it’s nearly impossible to get through to anyone when they already have their “theories” set (and are on a drunk rant).

I’ve realized that as a feminist trying to survive in our culture I have made sacrifices to “keep the peace,” when I should have instead created an uproar. I have a very deep internal conflict about how I should interact with assholes. As many of us learned early in the gender studies program–it’s important to pick your battles selectively. And since I prefer not to fight, I rarely ever pick one.

I know I have an issue with being a people-pleaser. Like, I want everyone around me to get along and be happy and I will do whatever I need to do to make that possible. But, fuck that, it’s not my job to play peace-maker or to humor someone that I don’t even know just because I’m nice. I don’t have to be nice. And I think that is the most important lesson learned. I see oppression, I see sexism, racism, homophobia etc. and I don’t want to be a part in perpetuating that system of complete fuckedupness so I let everyone say whatever they want– and that itself is fucked up. It’s not my job to help anyone else feel good about themselves and when they say something ignorant I should call them out on it. It shouldn’t be about “keeping the peace” because it’s not peaceful to talk like that.

The more I think about it, the more I like the tactic that I used last night:

“What you are saying is stupid, now go fuck off.”

Then if they try to argue more.

“I said, fuck off.”

Because later that night when the bar was closing the guy came up and apologized. So, he obviously knew deep down in his drunk subconscious that he was being a sexist asshole. Shut the oppressor down. Give room for other voices, thoughts, opinions, from people who maybe don’t get the opportunity to speak very often.

I need to get over the fact that I will be seen as a bitch. This is hard because the truth of the matter is I really do want everyone to like me.┬áNo one deep down wants anyone to not like them, unless maybe they’re masochists. Or have a severe mental issue.

I can’t help always wanting everyone to get along–it’s why I’m a feminist to begin with. I do not believe there should be as much conflict as what exists in the world today and I believe it should be simple to live peacefully. Since this seems to be a rare idea I suppose I should offer it to the world more often. Even if it means telling others to fuck off so I (or someone more well-versed) can speak.