Trying to Catch Myself Before I Fall.

26 04 2012

Hey kids! I know it’s been awhile. the truth is I got distracted by a boy. A very beautiful charming boy…okay, a man really, who is now far far away again and I’m sad.

I can’t quite tell you what it was that made me fall (not even sure if it’s a true fall). I’d like to blame it on the distance as I seem to have a problem with liking unreachable impossible relationships. We don’t need a psychologist here to figure out why this is true.

Why is he so cute? Why is he so funny? Why is he so smart? Make it stop!!! Ugh.

I’m mostly irritated at myself for allowing this to happen. I should have known better.

So the plan is to give it time and see if it prospers or withers up and dies. I feel the door is slightly ajar and I am at the point where I can’t decide if I’d prefer to open it all the way or slam it shut again.

Oh, complications.

I will say that I spend too much time contemplating and planning my social relationships and I need to take a step back and focus on myself. It’s annoying because I’ve known this for months and yet I can’t get myself to do it. Changing habits and actually taking time for inner reflection are both frightening yet necessary.

Also, on an entirely different subject. I’ve been contemplating getting a tattoo. Mom, don’t freak out–I know you said you’d cut me off and disown me etc. etc. but I am 27 now and it wouldn’t be tasteless. The likelihood that it will happen is at about 31% and it wouldn’t be for like a year because I’m still trying to figure out exactly what I’d want it to look like. I know that I’d want it to be a fawn. You know, like my middle name. Pretty simple, maybe it’s corny, but it’s the only thing that makes sense to put on my body permanently.

This is not a fawn, I hope you all knew that. But I like the silhouette style, maybe.

I also like this.

Or I could get a whole sleeve with a fawn in the wilderness and stuff?

Thoughts? Opinions? Suggestions?

Back to falling:

If nothing magical and life-changing comes out of it I at least now know about this band and have become rather obsessed with this song.

*sighing over my coffee wearing my white tank top scratching my white trash butt*

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Know. Know.

7 02 2012

I was talking to this cute Rottweiler/Lab mix last night about Foucault and his theory of the eye of power. I was like, “yo dog, how do you know the things that you know?” And the dog looked at me and was like, “because my master tells me so.” And so we agreed.

I’ve seen quite a few people fall lately. The other night we left the bar and this doode grabbed my roommate’s ass. I did not see this. But I did see him seconds later run smack into a pole. Just like in the cartoons. It was so amazing. Then, I think he must have had a concussion or something because he was standing by his car, drunk as fuck like he was going to actually DRIVE, and he pulled down his pants and tried to show us his balls. Of course they were so small we couldn’t see a thing. Falling changes people.

 

I like not wearing a bra if I have on the right kind of shirt.

I have been craving tofu all day. This proves I am indeed vegan. Though, back in undergrad when I was just a sad regular vegetarian  I used to eat bowls of carrots covered with sunflower seeds and italian dressing every time I got drunk. People used to get really weirded out by that. I’m telling you all it’s delicious. I need to go to the grocery store. I am a professional at putting that off. Yesterday I made hummus and finally got the consistency right, but I am out of anything to dip in it. I do not know why I bothered making hummus knowing I had nothing to dip in it. You know, people don’t use the word “dip” to describe other people as often as they should. I’m going to attempt to bring it back.

Does this seem like one of the longest weeks so far to anyone else?

Maybe it was just because yesterday was so long and I barely slept. I blame my roommate and her friends for this problem. But she brought me hash browns this afternoon so I am not complaining.

Coffee makes me go weeeeeee (and yes I mean that in multiple ways). 

The new Dr. Dog album isn’t bad. Though it sounds a lot like their old album. I guess if you got something good, don’t change it.

Speaking of change. I’m quite enjoying being platinum blonde. I’ve never been this blonde before and yeah, assholes, it’s fun. I can pull off red. I love wearing red now. I even bought a new pair of red glasses and I can’t wait until they get here and get on my face.

Fuck. I’m going to take a shower and put on clothes, though I don’t really want to and I wonder why and how people do it so often. But I’m trying to adapt. I’m trying to fit in. Why won’t you all just accept me for the pantless lover that I am?