10 Randoms: Wanking Off Into the Future.

2 10 2012

1.) I’ve started reading this book at my store called Blow Him Away and it’s actually really fascinating—and not because it explains how to give good head. Actually, it’s written from a speech therapist’s point of view and it focuses more on the strength of my mouth, lips, and tongue, which isn’t something I’d ever really thought about. Particularly, I’ve never really thought about where my tongue is supposed to sit in my mouth. Like, I thought it sat wherever it naturally felt comfortable, but that isn’t necessarily right.

It’s supposed to rest on the roof of your mouth not resting against your top teeth and not resting against your bottom row of teeth.

If it rests in the proper spot it’s supposed to help you breathe better and prevent snoring. Awesome thing to know.

2.) I have this weird thing where I think that the coffee mug I pick for the day will somehow determine the mood I will be in after I drink said coffee. Like it’s rainbow coffee mug day or it’s a cute puppy dog mug day. And really I don’t think it does anything. Today my mug is blue. Just blue. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

3.) I read this short article on Jezebel the other day about a store opening up in Japan that caters to women wanking off. It was funny because someone left a comment that said something along the lines of, “oh, create a woman-only store and then fill it with dicks because that’s all women want anyway.” Haha. I don’t know about that. There are a lot of sex toys not shaped like penises, but if I personally don’t think I’d ever want to go to a bar where a bunch of women are sitting around masturbating. Unless I wanted a good laugh. Because honestly, sex is comical, particularly when done solo.

4.) If something in my day switches my mood I seriously think about running away. I am not mature.  Also, I never imagine my existence actually affecting those around me. Like, nothing I do actually does anything to anyone’s way of life. I’m just sort of here. But I don’t think that can be right. I think that must be a cowardly thing to think.

5.) This guy just rode by on his bike and he looked very familiar. He’s a tall broad black man with blonde dreads, pretty distinguishable. Then I remembered. He comes into the store like once a month fucked up beyond words, drunk, high on who knows what. Usually in a cowboy hat. I don’t know if he ever actually buys anything or if he just comes in trying to come down before heading home. It was weird to see him riding a bike. There are places people belong and then places they belong again but witnessing them out of the usual place makes the second place appear unreasonable even dreamlike—though not entirely unreal.

6.) Back to my future. I know I’ve discussed this quite a bit on here, but I think I’m narrowing it down more and more as the days linger on.

Here are my current options:

continue writing television show—finish show—find someone to produce it (however that works) get it on air. Work on getting my sex education certificate. Teach seminars. Become a representative of a well-made sex toy company. Travel all over selling that particular brand. Write books. More seminars.

My other idea is to return to Kansas and become an organic farmer. But I’m thinking it would be best to wait until my mother retires so she can help me. As long as she retires with her sanity (you can do that, right, mom?). I mean I’d be in my late 30’s, early 40’s I think that’s like the perfect age for organic farming. I’ll grow hops and blueberries and strawberries and make delicious fruity beer and just get drunk off the land all day. Yeah, perfect plan. (The Kansas thing may be the hardest part in this scenario.)

7.) My tarot card reading for the day looks very promising. I got several strong cards including XVIII The Sun (accomplishment/Love), X Wheel of Fortune (Destiny, Advancement, Unexpected events),  XXI The World (Perfection, just rewards for hard work) and for my “future future” the Nine of Cups (success, abundance, wishes fulfilled).  Must make this a blue mug kind of day!

8.) Here’s a mega-life problem I’m running into. Ever since graduate school when I uncovered the pitfalls of monogamy I’ve realized that I am not monogamy material. This can be proven by my series of terrible mistakes made against past boyfriends—though the last one I was actually faithful to (a big switcheroo happened there). But, on the other hand, I’m not really into polyamory either. I tried it. And maybe I need to try it again just to be sure. But I’m pretty sure I do not have the time or energy to invest in that sort of dynamic. Unless I’m like the secondary in a triad and can just hang out in their cottage house all day and write and grow hops and drink beer. Then maybe I could handle it.

But now, when I actually sort of kind of like a guy I don’t know how to deal. Because I’m an attention whore. I want him (everyone) to give me all of the attention. Yet, I can’t be a hypocrite and claim non-monogamy and yet want him to not like anyone else when I know deep down that I will at some point get bored and want to explore other options. AHH! WTF?! I must stop liking people. That will solve that.

9.) I get sick pleasure in seeing receding hairlines in men that I used to know.

10.) Season 5 of Gossip Girl is now on netflix. XOXO.

Advertisements




Sexy. Cold. Best. Friend. Gossip. Grrrl.

10 02 2012

I don’t know whether you kids prefer video or reading, but for now I’m going to keep the video blog happening because it’s what I prefer right now. Right now. Next week though it might be a different story. OR maybe I’ll start doing half and half? Hmm? Who wants to make me famous? Or ugh, just help me get enough money to pay my rent? That would be super nice.

Maybe not so much this….

Weee!!!!





5 Random Thoughts: Female Sexuality, Periods, Crip Theory (and more).

24 01 2012

1) In many of my writing classes they talk about how when you write a paragraph in and then later decide to take it out somehow those ideas are still left in readers subconscious, like the aura of the idea. Lately when writing emails to people I don’t like, I’ve been signing off “fuck off and die” then going back and erasing it. I’m wondering if the aura of “fuck off and die” is resonating with the reader. I sure hope so.

2) I have a theory that Serena van der Woodson (Blake Lively), the main character in the magnetic Gossip Girl television series, is portraying the symbol of female sexuality. In every episode the other characters try to suppress her, and tell her how slutty and bad she is for liking men. Her mother even locks her in a mental institution without even giving her a chance to speak for herself. If it was still in grad school I’d totally write a paper about this.

3) I realized while going on a few OK Cupid dates (yes they some times actually happen) that I have a problem with wanting guys to be exactly how I want them to be–more like me, ha. That’s a little vague but let me elaborate. One particular guy that I like has no real forks, spoons, or glasses instead it’s all “disposable” plastic. This drives my environmentally-friendly mind insane. I want to go to goodwill and buy him some kitchenware. But I have to take a step back; I’m not his girlfriend, his mother, his maid. I’m not there to domesticate him, I’m there to just hang out and have fun. This is really hard for me. I want to step in and “fix” it. But I have to learn to let people be who they are and maybe with a little soft persuasion over time, he’ll realize the error in his ways without me being Ms. Fix-Him-Uper.

4)  I went to this art lecture the other night at Illiterate Gallery here in Denver. Six artists talked on a range of topics from typography to hidden mothers in old photographs. They brought up many interesting ideas. One speaker discussed crip theory, which is a way of examining disability through a queer lens. I was a little confused about the “super-able body,” the difference between crip theory and cyborg theory and if they were connected or totally different ideas. Is the “super-able body,” supposed to be a representative of queer—a person who symbolically breaks the binary construction of what it is to be human? Sort of like how the cyborg is intertwined with both the natural and technological world creating an intersectionality between the two that can’t be broken, thus working to to deconstruct as well as re-construct what it means to be human.  Either way I plan to learn more (if you have any suggested reading please comment!).

Love her (part of Krip-Hop Nation):

5) That song’s catchy. Makes me want to go read Cunt again. There’s this section in Cunt about cycling with the moon. Now that I’m off birth control I’m going to attempt to become a moon goddess. Maybe I’ll even get super hippy and paint abstracts with my menstrual blood. Probably not. Last night I was watching 30 Rock and Liz Lemon said she liked to keep her tampons in the refrigerator. I’m totally going to try that this month because it’s so freaking ridiculous. Though, when I run out of this box I’m going to buy one of those divacup things– me being environmentally-friendly and all. (I’ll let you know how it works out for me.)