7 Randoms: Sexy and Disgusting. Oh, and a Gyllenhaal.

10 09 2013

1. Sometimes I have secret competitions with myself that could be deemed disgusting by many humans. For example, lately I’ve been attempting to see how bad I can smell before I have to take a shower. It can get pretty raunchy, particularly after I go for a run around city park in the 80+ degree heat. Another example, I have a hole in the front of my underwear and I’m trying to see how many more times I can wear them before it completely tears in half.

2. I was watching American Ninja Warrior and I think it should be a requirement for the “ninjas” to compete shirtless. Like, why even watch it if I can’t watch their muscles working?

ninja

3. There’s this rumor that you’re most like the 5 people you spend most of your time with, so I finally get why I don’t hang out with anyone in real life since I spend most of my time with the crew from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

4. Jake Gyllenhaaal has a new movie coming out. I don’t even care what it’s about. Just like Prince of Persia, if he’s in it, I’m there– regardless of quality.jake gyllenhaal

(I mean look at that face!)

5. Today I went on my longest run so far in city park, which wasn’t really that far, a little less than four miles. My biggest problem isn’t leg cramps or trouble breathing or even boredom, my biggest problem(s) are my boobs. I’ve gotten to the point where I wear two sports bras and still by the end of it my nipples are like WTF!??!! are you doing to us!!? I’ve looked up how to stop this pain but nothing so far has seemed to work. I don’t want to stop, because I’ve become slightly addicted to the running, which is a much better addiction than like smoking or drinking–at least for the rest of my body. Remember that old song from the late 90’s about the detachable penis. . . I kind of want that with my breasts. I mean, they’re not that big, they don’t really get in the way or anything, I think they’re just getting rubbed the wrong way. And no one likes to be rubbed the wrong way.

6. Is anyone else tired of all the twerking? Can’t we go back to shaking our tail-feathers or something equally as corny?

twofunnybirds

7.  I have a few weird hairs growing on my chin. I wonder how long I can get them to grow before I feel the need to pluck them out?

Advertisements




Running Down Positivity

14 08 2013

My day started rather shitty as I had a blog all written up and ready to post and due to technological issues it disappeared. So, that threw me off as it felt like a big waste of my time and I was also pissed at myself for allowing amateur blogging mistakes to happen. So I went for a run and tried to change the energy. By the end of the run after dodging mud puddles and goose poop, after almost being hit by a car and then getting hollered at again, I was not feeling any better.

Then I realized I had to change my mindset because that’s the only way my outlook would improve.

So Here’s Everything I’m Thankful for Regarding My Run Today.

I have two legs.
I can for the most part breathe like a regular healthy human.
It’s fucking nice outside.
There’s a huge park right near my apartment.
I did not step in goose poop even though it was EVERYWHERE (at least I don’t think I did).
I did not get hit by that giant SUV, though they did come mighty close.
The guy who hollered at me wasn’t technically hitting on me, I don’t think.
Another guy walking his dogs asked me how my day was going, what a friendly neighborhood!
I have the time available due to my flexible work schedule to run and to run when hardly any one else is thus minimizing that weird passing interaction that always happens—do I look, do I not look?
There was one hot guy running, that’s always a bonus.
I looked at pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal earlier. Oh, and again just now, because I can.
I mean hot damn! Not many guys can pull off the “wet clothes” look.
There is this smell, it’s like a mixture of pine and wet grass and sunshine that hits me while I’m outside sometimes, that’s an amazing smell.
I am alive and mostly functioning.

jake_gyllenhaal_01

Wooh! Yay positivity. Fuck ya.

Also, side note, have you checked out any of my latest elephant journal articles? I’m trying to be the most popular writer on there because I like everyone to like me!

This one wasn’t very popular because it wasn’t about sex.