People Still Sleep?

25 05 2012

Today will be the tenth day I’ve worked in a row. Last night I closed the store, this morning I will open it. I hope that my legs do not fall off. I can see them literally falling off.

I sold so many vibrators last night the whole city should be a buzzing today with a post-orgasmic glow.

Is there anyone left that doesn’t have one? At least one?

I read an article in the Atlantic about the founder of Jimmyjane that claimed 50% of people own a sex toy–that’s a higher percentage than people who use condoms. Technically another form of safe sex. . . which I’ve concluded would be a good thing to give like every boy and girl going through puberty–every 13-year-old girl gets a beginner vibrator and every 13-year-old boy gets a fleshlight. Though, if every boy had a fleshlight it wouldn’t have to be disguised as a flashlight since it would be a common household item. Seems like a way to keep them entertained and able to explore without the downfalls of disease and babies.

I’ve just realized that I should have slept longer instead of getting up to blog. I hope you’re all happy, because I’m going to drag ass today.

But yay! My parents will be here this weekend. Family time. I haven’t seen them since December. I don’t know how I’ve gotten so bad about getting home. Full-time job I guess. And before that, lack of job–meaning lack of finances to travel. So, that makes sense. Where does the time go?

Holy fuck I think I need to go take a nap. Would that be weird? I have an hour before I need to leave for work. Seems reasonable. Someone text me and make sure I get back out of bed.





10 Random Thoughts: I am a Lizard.

22 03 2012

1. I thought that I would hate working in retail, but here’s the kicker, I don’t. Probably because I’m selling sex toys which just creates a weird environment within itself. It feels very Empire Records to me, though I don’t know what character I would be…probably the bitchy one with the shaved head NOT Liv Tyler or Sexy Rexy. Now I want to watch that movie again.

2. I’m going to Boulder this afternoon to go on a hike. I’m sort of hoping for a revelation but if I just get a good workout that’s will suffice.

3. It’s so dry here and my allergies have been crazy lately that I just look like I’m stoned all of the time. I am not stoned all of the time.

4. FYI Sour Patch Bunnies look EXACTLY like Sour Patch Kids.

5. I just started yelling out my window at runners; this is probably not a good habit to get into.

6. I finished the book Cloud Atlas a few days ago. It’s SO good. You have to get past the first section for it all to start making sense. My good friend Lizz suggested it–she obviously has good taste.

7. I think I found the one. Her name is Claudia. She is quiet yet very powerful. She can go for hours. Claudia keeps all my secrets and never gets into arguments with me. The only problem with Claudia is that she cost $145 and that’s like a billion hours of work to afford her. I may have to step next door to Shot Gun Willies and become a “cocktail” waitress. Vrrrroooomm!

(this is the jimmyjane form two…in case anyone else wants one too)

8. I’ve been wondering if “splash proof” is code for “squirt proof” but I haven’t asked anyone.

9. I just saw a woman hopscotch down the sidewalk. I love it when old people step out of “adulthood” for a moment. I’m glad I’m not the only big grrrl who does that.

10. I want a new album to obsess over. I love EMA. I love MIA. Robyn. Fiona. Missy. But I need something else to play on repeat over and over. Any suggestions?