9 Random Thoughts About the Million-Dollar Doomsday Condos

18 01 2015

9 Random Thoughts About the Million-Dollar Doomsday Condos

Somehow I stumbled across an article about these Luxury Survival Condos built in an former Atlas missile silo in the middle of nowhere Kansas—and since I’m from Kansas I felt like I needed to know more, but all I was left with after learning about them was more questions.


1. First the website claimed it was in a “secret” location; I kept digging and I’m pretty sure I figured out where it is; my main concern is that if I’m paying millions of dollars to have shelter after a nuclear attack, how am I going to get there in time? Am I going to take my helicopter there? And if everyone—all 70 or so people who can live there too—takes their helicopters, where are we all going to park?

2. There’s a community pool inside. How are they going to keep pool water clear for 5+ years. How do they have enough water for that? You know some bored people are going to bang it out in there at least a few times, is there enough chlorine to kill all of those tiny tiny swimmers that will escape?

3. Speaking swimmers, will there be a medical staff? How will people deal with pregnancy? One would think that IUDs would be a good addition, but if only 70 people are left in the world, they’d probably also want to start repopulating the planet and I don’t know if I’d really want to give birth in an underground bunker. What about formula, baby food, diapers?

4. Most importantly, what about death? Where do the dead bodies go?

5. And what if someone coming in has a weird contagious disease?

6. Plumbing is also a concern. I’m sure they’ve thought this through. I saw that they have the bidet style toilets to cut back on the use of toilet paper, but what if something goes wrong with the pipes?

7. I haven’t even gotten to the social aspects. Can you even imagine being stuck in a building with 70 other rich assholes? Like surviving a nuclear attack and then getting trapped in one space with a bunch of crazy doomsday people might actually be worse than dying.

8. Have they even thought about the life philosophies they’re going to instill? Like if you could start over from scratch basically, then you could get people to believe in anything. You could make up your own religion, your own customs, and relationship-structures. They’d really have a golden opportunity and I imagine that they’d just waste it on reformulating capitalism and monogamy—yawn.

9. They have security guards there. If there was an attack, wouldn’t the guys with the guns get dibs?