Word + Word + Word.

4 12 2012

So. The reason there were basically no blogs in November was due to that National Novel Writing thing. Where people sign up to write 50,000 words in 30 days.

I did that.

Honestly, afterward, I feel nothing.

I know I should feel some sort of achievement but really I feel like I wrote the longest blog rant in the history of the universe.

In a way, it’s like all that writing didn’t even happen. I can barely remember it. Perhaps that’s how marathon runners feel. Oh yeah, I ran like 25 miles but I only remember the beginning and the end. Or something. I don’t know, I’ve never ran a marathon.

I do know that this “novel” that came out is no novel at all. It is merely a first layer of paint. Or as my friend said, an initial sketch (since paint cannot be erased and pencil can). So, these 50,000 + words are the building blocks for something better.

Obviously writing a readable novel in 30 days in pretty much impossible. I mean it took Faulkner six weeks to write As I lay Dying.

And though it took Kerouac three weeks to write On the Road (on a speed binge, mind you) he still had to have someone edit it after.

So yeah, as Annie Dillard says her book The Writing Life,

“Some people lift cars too. Some people enter week-long sled races, go over Niagara Falls in barrels, fly planes through the Arc de Triomphe. Some people feel no pain in childbirth. Some people eat cars. There is no call to take human extremes as norms.”

What would be the norm as a writer is to go back and painstakingly fix every single sentence I wrote last month.

Until it is something.

Something more than the nothing that it is right now.

But I’m going to let it breath a little, like a nice glass of red wine—even though at this point it’s more like a can of Natural Light. Nonetheless, I’m going to let it rest and go back in a couple of weeks and try to resuscitate it.

Only time. And effort. Will tell.


10 Randoms: Why Not Make That a Habit?

13 11 2012

1.) Writing a novel in a month is hard and easy at the same time. It’s hard because it’s writing a freaking novel in a month, but it’s easy because it forces me to write daily without worrying about how good it is. It can just flow out, good, bad, beautiful, it doesn’t matter because the requirement is not to write the most life changing work of all time, the only thing I have to do is get to 50,000 words (and hope that there is at least some sort of story there).

2.) I’ve been reading this book called The Power of Habit and it’s actually pretty fascinating. Habit formation is basic, once you have a habit you can always change it, but it never completely goes away. It seems like the best way to create new (positive) habits is have a reward for accomplishing the routine. The cue+routine+reward formula of habits. I’ve started getting up every morning to exercise. My cue is that I set out the workout I’m going to do the night before, along with my clothes and shoes. I tell myself that if I can get through the workout I can have a cup of coffee. I have just started doing it this week, but I can see it turning into something regular. It’s nice because it’s true what changing one habit can do to the rest of my life. For instance, now that I have to get up so early I’m not drinking as much, I actually haven’t drank at all since Saturday–which doesn’t seem like long to the average citizen but for me it is.

3. Emily and I have decided to stay in this apartment for another six months. So Denver, deal with it. You’ll be putting up with me a little bit longer.

4.) Have you ever sneezed right after you swallowed something but didn’t quite swallow everything and little bits of food flew out of your mouth? Me either.

5.) It’s so dry here. Yesterday I put lotion at least 15 times on my hands. Today I washed a few dishes and they’ve already completely cracked out.

6.) Stuffing may be my favorite food.

7.) I’m heading back to Kansas this weekend. It’s been quite some time since I’ve been there last. I can’t even remember when. Last December? Could it have been that long? Wow. Memory would be helpful here.

People make fun of Kansas often, but I don’t get offended, they don’t know all of Kansas’s secrets and that’s a loss for them, not me.

My KS backyard.

8. I feel really good about my tv script too, I just need to get my ass in gear about editing it. Working on multiple writing projects technically is the most difficult part of this month, hence why there have been so few of these.

9.) Also, in big news, I don’t care about guys anymore. Yep. That’s right. I’m over them. It’s refreshing.

10.) Last night my neighbor finally stopped smoking crack and dancing in front of the window. I went outside to take a writing break and I heard him screaming at the top of his lungs. I couldn’t see him–the only time when I have wanted to of course–I wonder if his dealer cut him off? Or if he was talking to his mother. Or girlfriend. I don’t know how any person could handle him, I’m pretty sure he’s schizophrenic. I should really invest in curtains so I can’t see him and more importantly he can’t see me.

To Bed I Said.

23 10 2012

The most important time to have a significant other is when you are sick. Yeah sure, it’s nice to have someone around when you’re healthy and having fun, but it’s not really vital.

And it’s not like it’s vital that sick people have a significant other, all I’m saying is that it would be really helpful and appreciated to have someone around fetching things for me, kissing my forehead, cooking me soup, etc.

It’s a great test. Seeing someone at their worst, deciding if their worst is tolerable or if skedaddling would be a better option. If I were someone else I’d flee this situation immediately. Luckily no one is around to watch me sweat out this fever or stare creepily at me while I sleep for 15 hours straight. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone (though I personally wouldn’t mind it if someone didn’t mind it.)

I went to the Take Care center at Walgreens because I was afraid I had strep throat as the symptoms just sort of sprang on me in the middle of the night. The medical professionals were actually really chill and I’m glad I went there and not urgent care. I do not have strep, yay me. But I do now own this skeleton earrings. Bonus!

How sick do I look? 

Isn’t it great that “sick” is now used as an adjective to describe something badass? So now, I look both sick as in “I’m dying” and sick as in “how badass do I look with skeleton earrings as I lay there dying.”

Ugh. This really puts a damper on my already lack-of-productivity. When I’m not being productive I’m usually as least doing something fun. Though I don’t know why I’m complaining about sleeping all day in between bouts of netflix. Probably because it hurts to do any of it. Mainly it hurts to talk, which is one reason why I’m yammering on via this blog.

So yeah being sick makes me feel vulnerable and a little lonely. Slightly emotional, though I’m trying to avoid all of that by sleeping it off/out. I think I need to go for a walk. If I don’t I’ll just make myself feel even grosser by being in this bed like 30+ hours.

Anyhoo. Such is the cycle of life. Wellness. Sickness. Alive. Dead. Things that happen in between.

7 Randoms: Willing to Sacrifice. . .

3 10 2012

1.) This is rough, but if you wake up with a hangover and want to feel better quicker the best thing to remedy this is to go for a run. It hurts, let me tell you, but if you want to move on to doing something more productive than sleeping or barely watching netflix put on some tennis shoes and get your ass moving. The hangover part goes away; if you feel like crap because you didn’t get enough sleep–well that’s another issue.

2.) I’m beginning to think that only masochists like working out. Have you ever met a sadist who enjoys jogging? I haven’t. There has to be some sort of connection between the adrenaline / endorphin rush of exercise and the adrenaline / endorphin rush of getting flogged. I’m sure the body is releasing very similar chemicals. (And I’m sure if I actually researched it I could prove it, but who has time for that?).

If sadists want new play partners maybe they should just bring their paddle to the gym. They could probably get a whole class of people into it, particularly if they told them it burnt a least a hundred calories per hour.

3.)  My roommate wants to go on a juice cleanse. The problem is we don’t have a juicer. So instead we thought we could just fast. Or find a different kind of cleanse. The only one we could come up with was a drinking cleanse. Where all we consumed all week was gin. Just gin. I don’t think it’s the healthiest choice.

4.) Crazy News. I just found out that my good friend is a republican.

That’s right.


And a good friend.

Oxymoron, I do think so.

I don’t know what to do!

There are several issues here. The first is how in the world did I ever become friends with a republican and not know it?

The second is, now that I know what am I supposed to do?

It’s not like I’m so evil I’m going to stop being her friend. She’s fiscally conservative, but what I don’t ever get from that sort of republican mentality is the fact that everything intersects. So, if someone is pro-choice but is going to vote for Romney because he can “fix the economy,” one needs to look at how the economy is going to be fixed exactly when women have no rights to their bodies and have to give birth when they don’t want to and feed children they can’t pay for; all the while, the population continues to grow, resources continue to get more and more scarce, inflation becomes ridiculous, more and more people end up in privatized prisons and disease becomes even more rampant.

I don’t think someone can be economically conservative and yet be anti-choice. So yeah, that’s just one mega dramatic example of why I am in shock that I’ve been friends with this person for so long and never had these kinds of conversations before.

I think I need advice on this one.

Also, I’m going to see Obama tomorrow. We’re going to have lunch. Or I’m going to wake up incredibly early and go to a rally, either way.

5.) I’m pretty sure my neighbor has a magical rose bush. I’ve been jogging by his house since the spring and since the spring there have always been roses in bloom. And it’s weird because if they were like the same color of roses that would make sense, but almost every month it’s a different color from the same bush. I don’t get it, though I know very little about flowers. I’m just going to keep enjoying the magic I guess.

6.) Two weeks ago ish I’m at Lost Lake. It’s crowded. Out of nowhere this guy grabs my dress and pulls me over to him. He’s cute, whatever. We talk for like a minute. We exchange numbers. He finds me on facebook. Friday we end up at Beauty Bar. He talks to me for a minute and then tries to get me to come home with him. I deny this invitation. I deny it over and over again. Another friend shows up. I go talk to him. Blah blah, he leaves. The next day he sends me a text asking if I smoke marijuana. I ignore it for multiple reasons. At like 2:30 in the morning on both facebook and in a text he writes me:

“you think your so hot you can just blow me off funny” (I did not correct grammar here).

Now. I just want to take a moment with this. First of all, no one should ever talk to me or anyone else this way. Secondly, if he knew anything about me at all he would know that  1.) I don’t think I’m hot 2.) If I did think I was hot I still would never think being “hot” is an excuse to blow someone off. In fact, your physical attraction level does not lend permissions of any kind in regards to manners or behavior. People, no matter what they look like, should attempt to be thoughtful and considerate whenever possible. He obviously didn’t believe this considering how he spoke to me.

And in case you’re curious, I did respond. I told him:

“I have no idea how I blew you off. I feel uncomfortable and sad by the tone in your text. I try to surround myself with positive people who make me feel good about being alive. With that being said, I do not think I can hang out with you again. I hope you enjoy Denver.”

I blocked him on facebook.

Let’s hope if I indeed ever accidentally run into him (as Denver is a very small city) he’s chill.

7.) Finally, I need a theme song for my fall romantic life. Something that leads me away from crazy rude dudes. Summer’s theme song was Maneater by Hall and Oats. I need something equally awesome.

Maybe this?

10 Randoms: Good, Evil, and Whatever it is that I am.

1 09 2012

1.) When I’m so drunk I’m texting as slow as a grandpa on a typewriter I should probably not be texting.

2.) It would be weird to have local news anchors for parents.

3.) Even though I’m veganish I love watching America’s Test Kitchen. I think it’s because it’s so scientific. They’ve cooked this dish a million times until they know how to do it perfectly and that’s really great for lazy people who still want the best.

4.) Yes. It’s true. I’m now veganish as opposed to strictly vegan. A part of me wants to claim its due to the lack of community here–I have no other vegan friends–but maybe it actually comes down to my personality. I can’t believe in anything enough to be “strict” about it. Fine, I’m an asshole. Whatever.

5.) Strictness. I woke up today, hungover of course, and I said to myself, it’s a new month, I’m going to make new goals! Then a minute later I was like get serious Krystal you’re not going to do shit again this month. I don’t know what it will take to get my ass in gear, but I’ve decided that instead of fighting both sides–the super-type-A-accomplish-good-things side v. the self-destruct-courtney-love-lazy side I’m just going to fake-it-until-I-make-it. And try to do both.

6.) Maybe anti-depressents would help.

7.) I’ve been studying the art of lying recently, in that I watched a TedTalks on it and then read an article. I’ve been trying to determine how often I lie in comparison with the general public. I’ve always been an advocate for pure honesty, feeling that overtime honesty will get one further in life regarding general personal health. So, I say what I actually think. I think. But I’m wondering if I’ve just been lying to myself all this time and in turn lying to everyone else.

8.) I’m going to smile more and try to one nice thing a day. Or maybe every other day. (Truth or lie?)

9.) I should also mention that I got a new vibrator recently and it’s my favorite so far. . . Picobong Ako— basic clitoral vibrator. Though, now that I’ve gone to their website and witnessed how they’re trying to sell their product I may have to retract this statement. Why are they jumping with vibrators in their hands? And they all look so chipper. Weeee! Like OMG!

10.) I’m going to flip a coin and determine whether or not I will be good or evil at work today. . . heads=good tails=evil. . . tails it is. Muhahaha. Muhahaha. Excited for the cackling.