6 Randoms: Getting Loosey Goosey.

6 08 2013

1. Recently I moved across Colfax and now am located in between Cheesman Park and City Park. I’ve started running through City Park to try a new route and I’m pretty sure they should just go ahead and rename it to Goose Park. They’re pretty chill geese, but I remember back in the day a herd of them charging at me, honking, beaks out ready to peak me to death. So. It’s always a risk I take while running over there.

funny-duck-chasing-little-girl-no-means-nothing-goose-angry-pics

2. Did you hear about the science lab that created a $325,000 artificial meat patty from the stem-cells of the shoulder of a cow? It seems like an expensive investment but then when you think about the amount of dead animals that get consumed in a year on the planet, and the cost of their wasted lives—not to mention the amount of food and land and water it takes to run the meat industry, perhaps the lab is going in a good direction. Even though in reality we could all live without hamburgers altogether.

3. I love opening up my windows and feeling the nice breeze blow through the apartment, but sometimes the sounds of summer are not entirely pleasant, the constant block circling of the ice cream truck, the next door neighbors—no matter where I am at—working on some construction project, semi-trucks revving, ambulances rolling through constantly. It’s kind of loud out there.

4. Speaking of loud trucks, it could just be me, but there seems to be a surplus of hot sexy firefighters around Denver. What do I have to light on fire to meet one?

sexyfiremanco

5. Yesterday, while waiting to go to work I met Homeless Joe. He had just spent his last $1.50 on a beer and sat down at the bus stop to enjoy it. He told me that sometimes when he stands on the corner he can wait for up to four hours and not make anything, other times he can make $20 in a minute. He said it’s like playing the slots and the house always win. I don’t know why I thought that they probably made way more money than that, I guess I read an article a long time ago about certain homeless people in New York or Chicago or somewhere making like 50K a year. Obviously that’s a rare situation.

6. Recently I posted an article on elephant journal called Caught Between Monogamy & Polyamory: A Case of One-itis and on their sub-page on facebook in the Dating & Relationship section some dude wrote this:
granola

And I just want to take a moment to analyze it.

Somewhere in this statement is blatant fear of female sexuality, because being a liberated woman means I can do what I want with my body—part of that liberation is the choice to not have children. The problem with these kinds of statements is that they assume that reproduction is the one and only goal of women on the planet and women who do not abide by this are “mad,” and are “selfish,” and are not saying anything of value because of that. It’s just another way that men, whether consciously or not, attempt to hold on to power. “We” call “them,” is a passive manipulative way of trying to act as if other people are on his side and that there are other people on mine, instead of him just being courageous enough to say that he thinks I’m a flake and to own up to his opinion.

My opinion is that I don’t even like granola that much so I probably shouldn’t be labeled one.

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The Money Tie to Monogamy

31 05 2013

Jealousy: Relationships & Consumerism

I spend a lot of time thinking about monogamy and why it doesn’t work for me. What I’ve been contemplating lately is its interconnection with consumerism. The jealously, the greed, the desire. We want to own our relationships like we own our stuff, but love doesn’t work that way, which is why monogamy is flawed. I am suggesting that because our society is entrenched with the desire to “have,” we often circumnavigate the point of relationships.

The career, the car, the house, the dog, the child, the partner it’s all part of the package. We are constructed by the media and our family and our peers to make this package happen. If we make this package happen than our lives will be complete, only then will we be capable of containing a glimmer of fulfillment and happiness.

Take a look at online dating. It’s all about marketing and sales. But instead of a product we’re marketing and selling ourselves. And why do we do this? Because it’s the newest way to advertise for relationships. We compete with other people on there to stand out, to look fresh, to please a potential new mate.

mongamy v polyamory

We have to buy things in order to compete in this social world: make-up, clothes, shoes, jewelry (and obviously computers and internet connections).

Consumerism breeds competition. Competition glorifies the individual. The individual who does everything better than the other individual wins at life. To be an individual winner means to be in a monogamous relationship because it proves that your individuality is better to the other individual than any other individual out there. The two of you are the best because you’re together and you did everything right to make that relationship happen, to become a package of love.

But the flaw is in the short-sightedness of this concept.

I met a woman last night who told me she was on online dating to meet a guy to have babies with. This woman was 24 years old and already divorced. Her husband had cheated on her and so she did what is “required” of her and she left him. Her most recent dating life had led her to sleeping with a doctor. She decided to do this on the second date because she felt this would reel him in and make him want to keep her around. She said that she had five orgasms because it was important to put her needs first. Then she said she wanted to marry the guy not because she necessarily liked him but because it would make her dad so happy if she married a Jewish guy.

What. The. Fuck.

So, she was willing to put her needs first on a physical basis but then couldn’t go further to see that making her dad happy would not actually make her happy in the long run. It was not a set-up for a connection, for a nourishing relationship, but to complete a package she feels obligated to complete.

There is nothing inherently wrong with monogamy. It works fine for some people. But what works better is trust and communication—and these are the two most important things regardless of the structure or composition of one’s relations to others.

I feel like we miss this a lot. We’re too busy thinking about the rules to actually sit down and contemplate what works best for us, to trust ourselves and figure out what our true needs and desires are.

Why do we get jealous?

If we love someone what’s wrong with them being loved by and loving others?





Marriage, Equality, and Sexy Poem Reading.

26 03 2013

1.) Am I the only one who notices it when people who have dated for awhile start to look like each other? They reflect each other’s mannerisms, often to the point of almost becoming that other person. I know this happens in friendships too. I read somewhere that you are most like the five people you’re closest to, which makes sense. The article suggests making sure those five people are positive influences, but surely it’s good to have at least one cynic?

2.) Looking out my window, I am like those spring flowers that just got pummeled by the snow. Bright, looking forward to the future, but slightly drooping, holding on for dear life.

3) I remember when my feminist friend decided to get married. Her argument was that by doing so, she and her partner could work on changing the institution from within. I hope that is what happens with marriage equality. I hope more relationship structures become accepted, and not necessarily just monogamous ones (regardless of gender).

marriage-equality

4) I have a job interview tomorrow! I haven’t had those generic interview-questions asked to me in so long–I can pull it off but it’s going to be an experience. It would help if it wasn’t so early in the morning, but at least I’ll get it out of the way and won’t have long to be nervous about it. I may very soon be putting books on shelves, woo!

5.) I was at the bar the other day and this woman came up to me and handed me a napkin, “here, I wrote you a poem,” she said.

“Somewhere there is a ___ of loving.

Where body is dismantled and

feeling takes hold.

What feeling takes on the special

feeling of desire

That feeling speaks louder than

words, or feelings, or thought,

Or sex, or love.

Let’s do what our bodies compel

Us to do.

For what is hot, is so fucking

Simple too.” ~Woman from the Bar

She should have put her number on the napkin, isn’t that standard?





10 Randoms: Wanking Off Into the Future.

2 10 2012

1.) I’ve started reading this book at my store called Blow Him Away and it’s actually really fascinating—and not because it explains how to give good head. Actually, it’s written from a speech therapist’s point of view and it focuses more on the strength of my mouth, lips, and tongue, which isn’t something I’d ever really thought about. Particularly, I’ve never really thought about where my tongue is supposed to sit in my mouth. Like, I thought it sat wherever it naturally felt comfortable, but that isn’t necessarily right.

It’s supposed to rest on the roof of your mouth not resting against your top teeth and not resting against your bottom row of teeth.

If it rests in the proper spot it’s supposed to help you breathe better and prevent snoring. Awesome thing to know.

2.) I have this weird thing where I think that the coffee mug I pick for the day will somehow determine the mood I will be in after I drink said coffee. Like it’s rainbow coffee mug day or it’s a cute puppy dog mug day. And really I don’t think it does anything. Today my mug is blue. Just blue. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

3.) I read this short article on Jezebel the other day about a store opening up in Japan that caters to women wanking off. It was funny because someone left a comment that said something along the lines of, “oh, create a woman-only store and then fill it with dicks because that’s all women want anyway.” Haha. I don’t know about that. There are a lot of sex toys not shaped like penises, but if I personally don’t think I’d ever want to go to a bar where a bunch of women are sitting around masturbating. Unless I wanted a good laugh. Because honestly, sex is comical, particularly when done solo.

4.) If something in my day switches my mood I seriously think about running away. I am not mature.  Also, I never imagine my existence actually affecting those around me. Like, nothing I do actually does anything to anyone’s way of life. I’m just sort of here. But I don’t think that can be right. I think that must be a cowardly thing to think.

5.) This guy just rode by on his bike and he looked very familiar. He’s a tall broad black man with blonde dreads, pretty distinguishable. Then I remembered. He comes into the store like once a month fucked up beyond words, drunk, high on who knows what. Usually in a cowboy hat. I don’t know if he ever actually buys anything or if he just comes in trying to come down before heading home. It was weird to see him riding a bike. There are places people belong and then places they belong again but witnessing them out of the usual place makes the second place appear unreasonable even dreamlike—though not entirely unreal.

6.) Back to my future. I know I’ve discussed this quite a bit on here, but I think I’m narrowing it down more and more as the days linger on.

Here are my current options:

continue writing television show—finish show—find someone to produce it (however that works) get it on air. Work on getting my sex education certificate. Teach seminars. Become a representative of a well-made sex toy company. Travel all over selling that particular brand. Write books. More seminars.

My other idea is to return to Kansas and become an organic farmer. But I’m thinking it would be best to wait until my mother retires so she can help me. As long as she retires with her sanity (you can do that, right, mom?). I mean I’d be in my late 30’s, early 40’s I think that’s like the perfect age for organic farming. I’ll grow hops and blueberries and strawberries and make delicious fruity beer and just get drunk off the land all day. Yeah, perfect plan. (The Kansas thing may be the hardest part in this scenario.)

7.) My tarot card reading for the day looks very promising. I got several strong cards including XVIII The Sun (accomplishment/Love), X Wheel of Fortune (Destiny, Advancement, Unexpected events),  XXI The World (Perfection, just rewards for hard work) and for my “future future” the Nine of Cups (success, abundance, wishes fulfilled).  Must make this a blue mug kind of day!

8.) Here’s a mega-life problem I’m running into. Ever since graduate school when I uncovered the pitfalls of monogamy I’ve realized that I am not monogamy material. This can be proven by my series of terrible mistakes made against past boyfriends—though the last one I was actually faithful to (a big switcheroo happened there). But, on the other hand, I’m not really into polyamory either. I tried it. And maybe I need to try it again just to be sure. But I’m pretty sure I do not have the time or energy to invest in that sort of dynamic. Unless I’m like the secondary in a triad and can just hang out in their cottage house all day and write and grow hops and drink beer. Then maybe I could handle it.

But now, when I actually sort of kind of like a guy I don’t know how to deal. Because I’m an attention whore. I want him (everyone) to give me all of the attention. Yet, I can’t be a hypocrite and claim non-monogamy and yet want him to not like anyone else when I know deep down that I will at some point get bored and want to explore other options. AHH! WTF?! I must stop liking people. That will solve that.

9.) I get sick pleasure in seeing receding hairlines in men that I used to know.

10.) Season 5 of Gossip Girl is now on netflix. XOXO.





10 Randoms: Slut City Summer.

17 07 2012

1.) Our neighbors were gone for like 2 + weeks. They come back. And move out two days later. There goes our free internet and our porch chairs. Damn. Anyone looking for an apartment? It’s a cute one (with cute neighbors).

2.) I went to my first strip club the other night. Honestly, I thought I would hate it. I thought all the women would be Barbie-like with big fake boobs and tiny waists. But the opposite happened. The women were of many shapes and sizes, big boobs, little boobs, big butts, no butts, smiles, no smiles, Black, White, Asian; so many women making bank off of men. Good for them. Because until our entire system of oppressive capitalism changes. . . I say, shake what you got.  (If you’re doing it in an empowered conscientious way and not because you’re manipulated into it or feel like it’s your only choice.) Also, it made me feel more comfortable in my own skin. Seeing women of all shapes and sizes completely naked and embracing their sexuality was revealing–on multiple levels.

3.) Also, that very night I ended up at a random Reggae event. It was Black & White themed. Good thing I went or the “white” part of the theme probably wouldn’t have happened.

4.) I’ve been getting mega-creepers at work. Two in one week. And I’ve realized it’s incredibly difficult to tell other people how someone else is being creepy. Creepy is hard to describe because it’s not just what they say, but how they say it. It’s a look in their eye. It’s doing something awkward and taking too long of a time doing it. It’s lying and being terrible at it. Guess what creeps? Just because I sell sexy things doesn’t mean I want to have sexy time with you.

5.) Speaking of sex. I’ve decided to have more of it with more people. I am determined to become a Super Slut. Every. Single. Dick. In. Denver. (That’s every Single dick, as in, not-taken dick, not every single one of them.)

6.) 5 is not completely true.

7.) I’ve realized that for many many years I have been incredibly good at reading people; what they need, what they want, and then mirroring those needs and wants for them. This has come in handy in regards to my like-ability—as I have a rather abrasive personality or I can be abrasive if I’m not careful. But, that’s the thing. I am not going to be careful anymore. I’m going to stop mirroring and I’m going to start living for me. I’m going to go after what I want, what I need, and I’m going to stop caring if other people care. This has been a theoretical issue with me for years, in concept I don’t care, but in reality I totally do. No longer! Sure, perhaps I will turn into a narcissistic ego-maniac but it’s not like I’ll be the first. And if it doesn’t work out for me, I can always go back to who I was before, right?

8.) The biggest issue is figuring out what I want. Wading through what society has told me I should want and what I want deep down within. Hence the Super Slut. Being a “slut” is “bad”. . . but why? Why does monogamous heterosexual relationships have to be “the norm” and even if they are “the norm” why do they have to be “the only” acceptable relationship model. To me it appears to be another way of controlling women’s goddess-like sexual allure. By taming us sexually, you control us on all fronts (it’s a theory I’m still working through…perhaps too third-wave post-feminist but whatever). I don’t agree with the monogamy model. I find it boring. Sure it works well for people. I actually don’t know if it “works well” for most people, but it works okay for the general public. But the general public has no confidence and likes to follow guidelines instead of inventing their own.

9.) I’m going to invent my own guidelines. If you’d like to follow them, you’re more than welcome.

10.) I’m excited for the development of my new personality. Be on the look out people. It’s either going to be the. most. amazing. thing. ever. or the Crashiest Trashiest Courtney Love-esque down-fall you’ll ever witness.

(I feel like there is a bigger development here that I haven’t quite discovered yet, perhaps tomorrow it will all tie together).





You Say Either, I Say Either: Why Our Generation Could Never Have a When Harry Met Sally.

27 01 2012

We all know the scene where Harry tells Sally that men and women can never be friends. Just friends. Because the sex part always gets in the way.

But. Could we argue today, that with all the gender deconstruction, the openness to pansexuality, bisexuality, homosexuality, that technically, no one could be “just” friends because the sex part always gets in the way? The argument being if you’re friends with someone you have to be attracted to them on some level. And eventually that attraction might lead to some sort of physical intimacy. And that physical intimacy could eventually lead to awkwardness and then the end of the friendship.

If that’s the theory than we couldn’t have any friends.

Right?

Or we could all be friends. And not let sex be the deciding factor in determining who we want to spend a majority of our time with.

I just started reading Sex at Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality, which is basically an argument against human monogamy as “the only way.”

Now, I’m only like 100 pages in and know little about the authors and their expertise, but I am fascinated by the concepts of egalitarianism. For example, if we were more of a sharing culture, like humans were when they were nomads or our relative the bonobos (pygmy chimps) are now, we’d be a much calmer, happier bunch. Theoretically. There would be less territorial fighting, less possessiveness, more caring, more thoughtfulness, more clan-like collective development of children so they could survive and thrive easier. And more sex.

So. Are we getting to a point in our society where we can ditch old concepts of monogamy, and become more of a collective sharing community? A place where we are all friends; friends who may or may not have intimate physical relationships with each other? Or is it still too much?

What’s wrong with friends with benefits within a community?

Not just random people from bars or online dating. But like a tribe. A Clan. Like whatever clique you’re in now, why can’t it just be lots of friends with lots of benefits? Not just sexual. But the deeper connections, the sharing of ups and downs, etc. Why does sex often mess things up?

Are we still stuck in this deep-rooted puritanical individualist capitalist consumer culture where we feel ownership over another person? Particularly after that person shares sexy time? As if sexy time demands more seriousness than say a deep conversation over Foucault and the institutionalization of learning or whatever. Why don’t we get possessive over that?

“Johnny! Johnny! Were you just talking to Patty about cyborg feminism? I thought you only talked to ME about cyborg feminism? How dare you!!!! I will NO LONGER have any sort of meaningful conversation with you from NOW on.”

Exactly.

I don’t know. I feel like I could go on and on about this topic. So I’m just going to stop for today. Feel free to comment below or email me privately to discuss.