OKC Broadcast Dating Story Disasters.

12 11 2013

So, OK Cupid added this thing where you can “set your broadcast,” which is basically like a facebook status for dates. People use it to make plans within a two-hour time span. As a person with an adventurous spontaneous mentality I have on occasion tested this, sometimes for fun, when I need a few good posts for Aimless, sometimes when I am actually looking for someone to hangout with because all my “friends” are too busy for me.

jack ass

Story 1: No Confirmation

The first time I ever met anyone from a broadcast I put exactly where I was going to be, which, by the way, is a big mistake. I ended up meeting this guy at a bar near me; he was visiting from out of town and we had great conversation about writing, technology, beer etc. This was not like a date or a sexual thing, just two people enjoying life. Eventually it was bar close and it started clearing out. I guess I had seen the guy from the corner of my eye earlier, but randomly this 40ish tall skinny beaten-down looking ginger came up and started talking to us. Like he wouldn’t stop talking to us. He was drunk. Eventually we got out of there; I looked at my phone and he had sent me multiple messages, messages to the point of them feeling stalker-ish. It was weird because generally, at least in my opinion, you wouldn’t go to a place to meet someone unless the other person confirmed that they were indeed in desire of meeting you.

Story 2: Wiped Out.

Another time I had an extra ticket to a movie and I didn’t want to go alone because it looked like it was going to be intense. The movie was indeed intense, there was a lot of murdering and blood and dungeons and overall weirdness, to the point where I felt like I was going to vomit. But I didn’t.

No, I didn’t.

I got this guy into the movie with me, a ticket that would normally cost $13. I bought us a round at the theater. We then ended up at a bar after where we proceeded to get into this ugly argument about gender. Trust that it’s very difficult to win an argument with me about gender, though it’s a subject I thoroughly enjoy engaging in with people regardless of their knowledge or lack there of. Even though we were arguing he’d slip in stuff about going back to my place and wanting to kiss me etc. which I deflected because I was in no way interested.

In any case, I was slightly buzzed and he seemed to have suddenly gotten drunk drunk out of nowhere. I was talking about something, he took a drink of his beer and then out of nowhere spit it up all over me, like the beer projectiled across the table spraying me all across the front of my body. I stared at him in shock for a moment. Then I stared at him in complete annoyance.

“Dude. Aren’t you going to try to, I don’t know, wipe this off of me?” I said.

He just keeps looking down at the table shaking his head, “I can’t.” he replied.

I grabbed napkins from the bar and cleaned myself off.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to go.” I said.

Then he looks at me confused. “Aren’t you going to pay for your beer?”

By this point I was appalled. “Dude. I watched you the entire time while you ordered and they ran your card.”

“Oh. Oh, I don’t remember that.” He said.

I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. So I told him to deal with it; I thanked him for spitting up all over me and I left.

Later I got an apology text from him for being “rude,” but, yeah, that did nothing to help the rudeness at the time.

So. I think perhaps, it’s time to retire the broadcast idea, it’s probably time to retire OKC in general, but that’s a different story.

Advertisements




9 Randoms: Where the Skin Meets the Paddle.

20 09 2012

1. Sometimes I feel like I need to be the center of attention and sometimes I feel like I need to be left completely alone; it becomes a problem when I can’t figure out which one it is I need at the time.

2. I’ve been single for basically a year now. Let’s do a quick recap—moved out of one Boulder apartment into a Boulder house with my now ex boss who kicked me out two months later because she fell in love with someone from ok cupid after a week of dating; a guy who would later ask me on that same dating site to pay me $500 to play with my feet. With the loss of housing I also lost my job. I moved to Denver, where I started working at a sex toy store and somewhere, either before or after that became somewhat of a slut (I’ll spare you the number). And now, now, I’m still at the store but am definitely not being slutty enough; contemplating my next move (either literally or professionally or both).

3.) I went to my first BDSM dungeon the other night. I just observed everything, but let’s face it, it is about time someone starts beating me up.

4.) On that same subject-ish. I’ve realized I have a very hard time belonging to “a community,” be it movements I actually believe in, feminism, veganism, etc. or things I want to do with my life like writing, music etc. I can do my part to get along with everyone in the group–to fit in–so to speak, but I never feel like I should be there. Or I never feel like it matters if I am there or not. I’m an outsider “just observing.” I’ve come to the conclusion that it is because I am a writer. I never take anything in too deep because deep down I am trained to critically analyze everything, to understand all sides, to watch and pay attention to the details only to note them so everyone else can understand it (whatever “it” is) better.

5.) I have moments where it takes me a good length of time to figure out what day it is.

6.) I woke up this morning remembered where my life is headed and decided it’s probably time for me to seriously start seeing a professional. People have been telling me for years to do it, but I’ve been way too stubborn, thinking it would ruin my writing and make me one of those happy chipper people I can’t stand being around.

7.) Today I begin writing episode 2 of the television series I am developing. It’s prime-time for this, though considering it is “graphic” and “phallic” in nature it probably could never be on prime time.

8.) I sell vibrators wherever I go; I mean I go to bars and convince people to come into the store and buy one. I am the worst pimp ever. Buy this great expensive toy and NEVER come back. Yay one percent commission!

9.) Where do the days go?





Single Them Out and Find Me a Blind Date Love Connection.

21 03 2012

Was there ever a dating show where other people selected dates for the contestant? I mean, the classic Love Connection voted on the 3 but had no real say. Singled Out at least narrowed it down a bit. Blind Date…sssooo gggooooddd. Pretty sure a girl from my high school was on that once. It was set in California so almost everyone was a “struggling actress” of some kind. I am not an actress; I am struggling though, so there’s that.

I want someone to log into my OKC account and pick me a winner. I am serious.

If done right this would be an amazing dating show. Best friend’s Choice.

Oh, I remember now there was a show on MTV awhile ago where a parent went on the date with the couple. That was awkward. I’d let my mom pick out a guy (which she has and that didn’t go over well–not her fault, the guy was just crazy) but I would never go out with a person AND my mom at the same time. Now, if she wanted to go on the first date for me and I wouldn’t even have to be there, I’d totally let her do that. I’d let anyone go on the first date for me. I find those introductory conversations mundane. I don’t care to talk about myself. And they’re usually very surface. Which is why other people could take over for me and it wouldn’t even matter. The person would probably even want to go on a second date if I wasn’t actually on the first one. ha.

Don’t worry people, this is not taking over my life again, though it’s really difficult for me not to write back snarky comments, particularly when they say things like, “hey wanna watch me skype;” why the fuck would I want to do that?

I finally found my book in my word docs and I’m going to re-read it and start fixing it THIS VERY DAY. It’s time. It’s calling for me.

But yeah, anyway, back to my point, who better to pick a good date than a good friend. They probably know better anyway. I currently have four options, so if any of you reading this right now want to help make my selection for the week, let me know!

(some entertainment for you. . .I wish she had a fetish for cowboy boots that would have made the date so much better)





I Can’t Be Your Hipster Tonight.

20 03 2012

Last night I decided to get back on OkCupid, just for a bit. Upon my return it has been decided that I’m not going to spend as much time on it and I’m not going to message guys back just for entertainment purposes. I am immediately deleting the ones I don’t want to talk. Mainly I’m just looking for a Jake-Gyllenhaal look-alike to become my next boyfriend (I know it’s not going to happen).

Anyway, this morning I woke up with this message in my inbox:

“I can understand your rejection of the 9-5 mentality but if you have 2 master’s degree, you should be doing sometime more/better than freelance writing and social media marketing.

But enjoy your dumpster diving and PBR tall-boys. You are very unique, just like every other hipster I’ve encountered.”

When a complete stranger calls you out on how you’re sucking at life–that’s a new low point.

Yeah dude I know I should be doing something more, thanks for reminding me. I, you know, just spend every waking hour of my life drenched in guilt about it, but hey, it’s cool, we’ve never met so please feel free to express to me how I should live.

Uuggh the asshole-card. It takes a bold man to play it but when he does it works like a charm.

Because I want to message him back and call him out on being a dickwad; he’ll respond in the opposite way so he doesn’t seem like such an ass and I will magically fall for him.

Nope.

Not going to let it happen.

It’s bothering me because it’s true. I want to be doing something more with my life but maybe I’m scared of the next step, that if I get a good full-time job it will change me into a business-casual person and those people frighten me. Or. I don’t know what. That if it’s serious and it’s not what I deep down want to be serious about I’ll keep doing it just because it’s “a job” and I need it.

Everyone says all you got to do is want it and work hard. I’m burnt out on both of those things. I wanted and I worked hard for years and years and I feel it got me nowhere (except in debt). So it’s difficult to keep doing it. What’s the point?

Maybe I’m like functionally depressed. Do those people exist? Like a functioning alcoholic– I don’t let my depression get in the way of my day-to-day though it’s preventing me from bigger and better things (except in my dream last night with a certain Denver stud muffin stallion).

Okay, okay, I’ll work on the bigger and better. Though I still think I need to work on my inner self before anything else. I’ll give myself a few more months. In the meantime, I’m deleting that message.





6 Random Thoughts: About. Everything. Nothing. In. Between.

6 03 2012

1) Giving up OK Cupid has opened so much free time. I’ve been able to read books! Books I say! And I got a job! A freaking job! About time I know. I think I just needed to refocus my energies and also spend more time with myself. Initially I thought that going out and meeting new people would help me realize more about myself and what I wanted from life, but really I think just spending an huge amount of time alone is helping so much more.

2) I cannot begin to describe how excited I am to start my new job. I am going to be working at a store that sells pleasurable sensual sexual products. This has been something I’ve wanted to do for like 10 years. And I’m finally doing it!

3) I’ve also always wanted to be a bartender and last night my dreams came true for like 30 minutes. Because the bartender is in llloovvveeeee with my roommate he let me take over so he could flirt with her more. I love that he’s in love with her because we got hammered for really cheap. Also–I worked for drinks and all my roomie had to do was be cute and clever.

4)I did dishes! DISHES. I am not a big fan of dishes, so much not a fan that I used to claim I was allergic to dish soap to get out of doing them. Maybe if my mom would have tempted me with a fruity cocktail as my reward I would have not been so allergic.

5) This warm weather revealed that I no longer own any sandals, well I didn’t own any until I bought a new pair today. Wee. New shoes for better weather.

6) I need a nap.

Good night.





5 Random Thoughts: Female Sexuality, Periods, Crip Theory (and more).

24 01 2012

1) In many of my writing classes they talk about how when you write a paragraph in and then later decide to take it out somehow those ideas are still left in readers subconscious, like the aura of the idea. Lately when writing emails to people I don’t like, I’ve been signing off “fuck off and die” then going back and erasing it. I’m wondering if the aura of “fuck off and die” is resonating with the reader. I sure hope so.

2) I have a theory that Serena van der Woodson (Blake Lively), the main character in the magnetic Gossip Girl television series, is portraying the symbol of female sexuality. In every episode the other characters try to suppress her, and tell her how slutty and bad she is for liking men. Her mother even locks her in a mental institution without even giving her a chance to speak for herself. If it was still in grad school I’d totally write a paper about this.

3) I realized while going on a few OK Cupid dates (yes they some times actually happen) that I have a problem with wanting guys to be exactly how I want them to be–more like me, ha. That’s a little vague but let me elaborate. One particular guy that I like has no real forks, spoons, or glasses instead it’s all “disposable” plastic. This drives my environmentally-friendly mind insane. I want to go to goodwill and buy him some kitchenware. But I have to take a step back; I’m not his girlfriend, his mother, his maid. I’m not there to domesticate him, I’m there to just hang out and have fun. This is really hard for me. I want to step in and “fix” it. But I have to learn to let people be who they are and maybe with a little soft persuasion over time, he’ll realize the error in his ways without me being Ms. Fix-Him-Uper.

4)  I went to this art lecture the other night at Illiterate Gallery here in Denver. Six artists talked on a range of topics from typography to hidden mothers in old photographs. They brought up many interesting ideas. One speaker discussed crip theory, which is a way of examining disability through a queer lens. I was a little confused about the “super-able body,” the difference between crip theory and cyborg theory and if they were connected or totally different ideas. Is the “super-able body,” supposed to be a representative of queer—a person who symbolically breaks the binary construction of what it is to be human? Sort of like how the cyborg is intertwined with both the natural and technological world creating an intersectionality between the two that can’t be broken, thus working to to deconstruct as well as re-construct what it means to be human.  Either way I plan to learn more (if you have any suggested reading please comment!).

Love her (part of Krip-Hop Nation):

5) That song’s catchy. Makes me want to go read Cunt again. There’s this section in Cunt about cycling with the moon. Now that I’m off birth control I’m going to attempt to become a moon goddess. Maybe I’ll even get super hippy and paint abstracts with my menstrual blood. Probably not. Last night I was watching 30 Rock and Liz Lemon said she liked to keep her tampons in the refrigerator. I’m totally going to try that this month because it’s so freaking ridiculous. Though, when I run out of this box I’m going to buy one of those divacup things– me being environmentally-friendly and all. (I’ll let you know how it works out for me.)