OKC Broadcast Dating Story Disasters.

12 11 2013

So, OK Cupid added this thing where you can “set your broadcast,” which is basically like a facebook status for dates. People use it to make plans within a two-hour time span. As a person with an adventurous spontaneous mentality I have on occasion tested this, sometimes for fun, when I need a few good posts for Aimless, sometimes when I am actually looking for someone to hangout with because all my “friends” are too busy for me.

jack ass

Story 1: No Confirmation

The first time I ever met anyone from a broadcast I put exactly where I was going to be, which, by the way, is a big mistake. I ended up meeting this guy at a bar near me; he was visiting from out of town and we had great conversation about writing, technology, beer etc. This was not like a date or a sexual thing, just two people enjoying life. Eventually it was bar close and it started clearing out. I guess I had seen the guy from the corner of my eye earlier, but randomly this 40ish tall skinny beaten-down looking ginger came up and started talking to us. Like he wouldn’t stop talking to us. He was drunk. Eventually we got out of there; I looked at my phone and he had sent me multiple messages, messages to the point of them feeling stalker-ish. It was weird because generally, at least in my opinion, you wouldn’t go to a place to meet someone unless the other person confirmed that they were indeed in desire of meeting you.

Story 2: Wiped Out.

Another time I had an extra ticket to a movie and I didn’t want to go alone because it looked like it was going to be intense. The movie was indeed intense, there was a lot of murdering and blood and dungeons and overall weirdness, to the point where I felt like I was going to vomit. But I didn’t.

No, I didn’t.

I got this guy into the movie with me, a ticket that would normally cost $13. I bought us a round at the theater. We then ended up at a bar after where we proceeded to get into this ugly argument about gender. Trust that it’s very difficult to win an argument with me about gender, though it’s a subject I thoroughly enjoy engaging in with people regardless of their knowledge or lack there of. Even though we were arguing he’d slip in stuff about going back to my place and wanting to kiss me etc. which I deflected because I was in no way interested.

In any case, I was slightly buzzed and he seemed to have suddenly gotten drunk drunk out of nowhere. I was talking about something, he took a drink of his beer and then out of nowhere spit it up all over me, like the beer projectiled across the table spraying me all across the front of my body. I stared at him in shock for a moment. Then I stared at him in complete annoyance.

“Dude. Aren’t you going to try to, I don’t know, wipe this off of me?” I said.

He just keeps looking down at the table shaking his head, “I can’t.” he replied.

I grabbed napkins from the bar and cleaned myself off.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to go.” I said.

Then he looks at me confused. “Aren’t you going to pay for your beer?”

By this point I was appalled. “Dude. I watched you the entire time while you ordered and they ran your card.”

“Oh. Oh, I don’t remember that.” He said.

I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. So I told him to deal with it; I thanked him for spitting up all over me and I left.

Later I got an apology text from him for being “rude,” but, yeah, that did nothing to help the rudeness at the time.

So. I think perhaps, it’s time to retire the broadcast idea, it’s probably time to retire OKC in general, but that’s a different story.

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The Money Tie to Monogamy

31 05 2013

Jealousy: Relationships & Consumerism

I spend a lot of time thinking about monogamy and why it doesn’t work for me. What I’ve been contemplating lately is its interconnection with consumerism. The jealously, the greed, the desire. We want to own our relationships like we own our stuff, but love doesn’t work that way, which is why monogamy is flawed. I am suggesting that because our society is entrenched with the desire to “have,” we often circumnavigate the point of relationships.

The career, the car, the house, the dog, the child, the partner it’s all part of the package. We are constructed by the media and our family and our peers to make this package happen. If we make this package happen than our lives will be complete, only then will we be capable of containing a glimmer of fulfillment and happiness.

Take a look at online dating. It’s all about marketing and sales. But instead of a product we’re marketing and selling ourselves. And why do we do this? Because it’s the newest way to advertise for relationships. We compete with other people on there to stand out, to look fresh, to please a potential new mate.

mongamy v polyamory

We have to buy things in order to compete in this social world: make-up, clothes, shoes, jewelry (and obviously computers and internet connections).

Consumerism breeds competition. Competition glorifies the individual. The individual who does everything better than the other individual wins at life. To be an individual winner means to be in a monogamous relationship because it proves that your individuality is better to the other individual than any other individual out there. The two of you are the best because you’re together and you did everything right to make that relationship happen, to become a package of love.

But the flaw is in the short-sightedness of this concept.

I met a woman last night who told me she was on online dating to meet a guy to have babies with. This woman was 24 years old and already divorced. Her husband had cheated on her and so she did what is “required” of her and she left him. Her most recent dating life had led her to sleeping with a doctor. She decided to do this on the second date because she felt this would reel him in and make him want to keep her around. She said that she had five orgasms because it was important to put her needs first. Then she said she wanted to marry the guy not because she necessarily liked him but because it would make her dad so happy if she married a Jewish guy.

What. The. Fuck.

So, she was willing to put her needs first on a physical basis but then couldn’t go further to see that making her dad happy would not actually make her happy in the long run. It was not a set-up for a connection, for a nourishing relationship, but to complete a package she feels obligated to complete.

There is nothing inherently wrong with monogamy. It works fine for some people. But what works better is trust and communication—and these are the two most important things regardless of the structure or composition of one’s relations to others.

I feel like we miss this a lot. We’re too busy thinking about the rules to actually sit down and contemplate what works best for us, to trust ourselves and figure out what our true needs and desires are.

Why do we get jealous?

If we love someone what’s wrong with them being loved by and loving others?





Contracting Love.

17 10 2012

For a minute there I thought I might have maxed out on guys and dating. I hit a dry spell. But no need to worry, I’m back in the game.

So okay, I got back on ok cupid; do not be alarmed, though shit is about to get cray. Oh yes I just wrote “cray” in a blog, I may indeed need mental medical attention. Anyhoo, I wrote an update on my profile about specifically looking for a 3-month-max friend with benefits. A relationship contract, so to speak. And guess who was the most interested in this. You got it, a lawyer.

We met last night to discuss the matter. And there is something very appealing about getting into a commitment with a known ending, particularly prior to anything really starting. It’s nice because I feel like it will give me more opportunity to get to know someone without feeling the pressure of “making it work” as something long term. He can have quirks that I don’t necessarily find charming because I know I don’t have to put up with those quirks FOREVER. Or potentially forever. Or however/whatever makes people stop seeing other people: weird toenails, a penchant for eating with one’s mouth open, an obsession with AC/DC etc. etc.

So. Yeah. We talked about it. We’re going to have a “trail period” or a “test drive,” whatever you want to call it. See if we could even like each other for three months. And if we do we’re literally going to sign something and get this FWB thing going.

Contractually, I was thinking 1 to 2 hanging-outs per week, which would include netflix watching, bar drinking, sex, shows, lengthy philosophical discussions.  Then when the time is up, we can either renew (which we won’t) or end it amicably. Even if shit gets cray and it doesn’t end up ending amicably I think this is a good experiment. It could essentially change the way our generation does relationships. Or at least how some of us do them.

Anything you think I should include in this contract?





Nobody. In. My. Mind. (A Man-Less May Update.)

7 05 2012

Remember that play Lysistrata, a “comedy” where the women of Greece withhold their sexuality so the Grecian men stop fighting in war? Man-less May is nothing like that. I am not doing it for a noble cause like peace or harmony—unless you consider inner peace a noble cause, then perhaps I am. I’m thinking a month may not be long enough. It hasn’t been difficult at all. Yes, it’s only been a week, but I’m a forth of the way there! I have friends who have gone months… MONTHS. That’s plural. As in more than one month and they’re not dead from it. They don’t even seem scared by it, just a little depressed—but that could be from anything.

It’s obviously not the physical that people end up being deprived of the most—though touch is vital to feel connected to humanity. What I think people end up craving is a sense of companionship, conversation, someone that relates to them, that understands them. I’ve come to terms with the fact that it’s highly unlikely I’m going to find those things with online dating. Even if I could I’d have to wade through so many incompatible people before I got there that I’d be exhausted and probably not even see a winner when a winner was there. I can’t even count the number of people I went on dates with, let alone talked to. And out of all those I only still talk/hang out with two. TWO. What I’m saying is that it’s too time-consuming for me to handle. Dating. Men. Dating men. Not going out on dates is really freeing up my time and I’m being partially (if not fully) productive. I’m blogging more, I’m reading a ton, I’m even making artwork.

Anyone want a Juggalowl drawing? I’m going to have a nice collection here soon.

It’s been raining and gray all day. (Does anyone get annoyed that gray is spelled two different ways for no good reason?) Anyway, I enjoy these sorts of days, when it’s cool and cloudy and everything seems to be a little more piercing, a little more alive. It makes me want to curl up and read philosophy and do crossword puzzles and drink red wine. And I will do all of those things. It will be fantastic. It’s the kind of day I don’t want to end. Because when it gets dark it will be like any other night and the magic of the sort of inner-reflection type afternoon will be gone. Tomorrow it will be sunny. Since living in Colorado I cannot recall two gray days in a row. So much not to do, so many men not to do it with. Peace.

Another Warpaint song, because it’s that kind of day.





I Can’t Be Your Hipster Tonight.

20 03 2012

Last night I decided to get back on OkCupid, just for a bit. Upon my return it has been decided that I’m not going to spend as much time on it and I’m not going to message guys back just for entertainment purposes. I am immediately deleting the ones I don’t want to talk. Mainly I’m just looking for a Jake-Gyllenhaal look-alike to become my next boyfriend (I know it’s not going to happen).

Anyway, this morning I woke up with this message in my inbox:

“I can understand your rejection of the 9-5 mentality but if you have 2 master’s degree, you should be doing sometime more/better than freelance writing and social media marketing.

But enjoy your dumpster diving and PBR tall-boys. You are very unique, just like every other hipster I’ve encountered.”

When a complete stranger calls you out on how you’re sucking at life–that’s a new low point.

Yeah dude I know I should be doing something more, thanks for reminding me. I, you know, just spend every waking hour of my life drenched in guilt about it, but hey, it’s cool, we’ve never met so please feel free to express to me how I should live.

Uuggh the asshole-card. It takes a bold man to play it but when he does it works like a charm.

Because I want to message him back and call him out on being a dickwad; he’ll respond in the opposite way so he doesn’t seem like such an ass and I will magically fall for him.

Nope.

Not going to let it happen.

It’s bothering me because it’s true. I want to be doing something more with my life but maybe I’m scared of the next step, that if I get a good full-time job it will change me into a business-casual person and those people frighten me. Or. I don’t know what. That if it’s serious and it’s not what I deep down want to be serious about I’ll keep doing it just because it’s “a job” and I need it.

Everyone says all you got to do is want it and work hard. I’m burnt out on both of those things. I wanted and I worked hard for years and years and I feel it got me nowhere (except in debt). So it’s difficult to keep doing it. What’s the point?

Maybe I’m like functionally depressed. Do those people exist? Like a functioning alcoholic– I don’t let my depression get in the way of my day-to-day though it’s preventing me from bigger and better things (except in my dream last night with a certain Denver stud muffin stallion).

Okay, okay, I’ll work on the bigger and better. Though I still think I need to work on my inner self before anything else. I’ll give myself a few more months. In the meantime, I’m deleting that message.





Secret. Sex. Life.

2 02 2012

This is my new favorite old song:

I re-discovered it while playing M.I.A. radio on pandora. I highly suggest that radio station; it caused me to have a solo sock-hop in my living room for like 3 hours. This very scene is exactly why I need my own reality tv show. It was performance art at its finest. Also, my dating life is totally worth paying a camera-person to follow me around. I could get extra dramatic if need be. Producers?!? Producers!!!! It’s not that I’m a complete narcissist (only partial) it’s just that some of these experiences are way better than fiction. I guess i’ll write a book about it if no one wants to bother filming it.

What is up world? 

Last night at the bar I got to hang out with some amazing women and we talked about all sorts of woman-y things like birth control and periods and relationships. I’ve been thinking about all of those topics quite a bit lately. Mainly, of course, I’ve been working at being single again… I actually haven’t been single single since high school, really. I’ve been a serial monogamist  who eventually toyed with polyamory for a moment, but I have not been single in forever. And I’ve been thinking about what feels the weirdest; what I’ve realized is that I feel like I’m living some secret single life. As if, my life is now a secret and no one has any idea what I’m up to. And this is rather exciting but also very strange. Before there was always someone who knew what I did with my day. Now I can do pretty much whatever I want–I may tell a friend or my mom but most likely no one knows. Just writing about it makes my heart go “weeeeeeee!” with joy. People get snippets of me, and I of them. This is good for re-confirguring who I want to be in this world.

And being off birth control hasn’t felt that different for me so far. The biggest thing is that I want to have sex again. Ha! Yeah, got to love birth control pills that just prevent you from wanting to do it in the first place. I am now a woman on the prowl. But, you wouldn’t know because my single life is a secret.

Unless of course, I get a reality tv show (hint, hint).





5 Random Thoughts: More Dates, Denver v. Boulder and Learning New Languages.

1 02 2012

1)

I really can’t be that wonderful on a date. I wonder if all these guys I’ve gone on dates with recently are really as out of the dating-loop as I am and just don’t notice how bad I am at it. I always end up talking about things they always say not to talk about, politics, exes, religion. And I stare at them with an intense stare, like, “why are you telling me that story right now.” Also, I think the dates take dating much more seriously than me. Like they’re nervous about it. I feel I should be more upfront, within the first 10 minutes perhaps, about what I’m looking for–so they know they shouldn’t be nervous because I don’t want a boyfriend. I just want to have fun. Meet new people. Not take life so seriously. I mean, it does say that on my profile, but many of them just look at the pics (I mean, they’re good pics so I understand.) Also. I told my roommate yesterday, like I tell her pretty much every time before I go meet someone new, that I”m done after this one. But, for the month of February, since it’s my birthday month and all, I’m going to attempt to focus more of that time on me. And not date any one new. (This does not mean I can’t go out with people I’ve already gone out with.)

2)

I’m back to learning Spanish again. It so much sexier than English. I love rolling my rrrrrrr’s. I think I’m better at pronouncing words I’ve never heard before as opposed to words that are similar to English. I’m guessing this is common since reverting to what one knows seems easier than trying to re-prounce an old word in a new way. I want to reward myself in some way, with a trip to South America or Spain or Mexico if I learn it well enough, but that’s still so far in the future I can’t even fathom. Plus, not having a job puts a damper on traveling, though having a job also puts a damper on traveling. Perhaps I should just do it now while I’m unemployed and pay it back later? I’ve met several people recently who have done this very thing and though they raked up plenty of debt at the time, they have already paid it all back. Anyone else unemployed want to jump on the travel wagon with me? I’m thinking Brazil. Or Chili. Or some European back-packing adventure. (Seriously, message me if you’re interested.) 

3)

What I like most about Denver compared to Boulder is that the people here are much more balanced. For example, the other day I saw a woman walking down the street carrying a yoga mat AND a pie. That’s right, she knows what’s up. Exercise but enjoy some pastries too!

4)

Speaking of the Big B, I’m actually going to be there tomorrow AND Friday. And though it is Boulder, I’m actually kind of excited about it. Thursday, it’s gin & gender day. A friend and I are going to tour the gin distillery and drink martinis then go to a radical deconstruction discussion about gender and sex roles, wohoo!  Friday Dr. Dog with another friend, I won tickets so that makes it extra special (and much cheaper). Maybe I’ll even go on a hike (and then follow said hike with beer drinking, because balance is what it’s all about–I learned that after moving out of Boulder to Denver–perhaps I can teach the locals something.)

5)

I’ve been watching Sister Wives. I’d totally be down for that if I could have lovers on the side. But. That’s not how it works. Also–there are way too many children running around. Gross. I don’t know. I mean it obviously points out that in other types of relationship dynamics  there still exists struggles, issues, pain, heart-break, but also love, caring, commitment, loyalty. I personally think that polygamy is too closely tied with the patriarchy and I’m not interested in either of those things, but if other people are into it, then they should be able to multiply their love–not divide it.