Change, Cycle, Beauty, Blood, Love.

28 09 2012

Yesterday I was in a really good mood. This was really rare. I was in a really good mood, which was a really good thing because a lot of semi-shitty things happened yesterday. And almost none of it bothered me. If I hadn’t been in a good mood I’m thinking someone would have gotten punched in the throat, so, yay for that. I was finding humor in everything. Though it stopped after a really good friend suddenly turned into a really big ass—out of nowhere really—and then when I got home I somehow knocked a glass over and it shattered all over my bedroom carpet—neither of those things were very humorous. But every thing else definitely was.

And today I’ve been wondering why it works that way.

Like, how, almost seemingly out of nowhere I can be perfectly content with the outside world, I can look at people and find something, at least one thing, good enough about them to make me chuckle. And then other days it’s the opposite, other days it takes everything in me to find a reason not to want to completely destroy them with my evil glare.

So, today, everything has been scattered. I’ve been trying to rearrange my room including my closet for the upcoming change in season; I’m curious if it is the change in season itself that is throwing the world into a sort of flux. Or maybe the alignment of the moon. Or maybe it’s just me, because my period started today, and my period makes my whole life weird. Weird because Aunt Flo doesn’t really visit me too often and I’m never quite sure how to be a welcoming host. I’m am totally glad it’s back, don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the cycle. I enjoy the concept of the cycle anyway. The physical ability to release negativity from my life and start over. Cleanse the bad from my system.  Perhaps I just have to have a sort of scattered day in order to have many more organized ones in the future.

I was at the post office sending my now non-working bullet vibrator back to the manufacturer and I realized I had forgotten to comb my hair or put makeup on or make sure I didn’t have globs of makeup leftover from the night before and I thought—this is very masculine of me. To not remember enough to care. And how most of us, male, female, etc., do care about our outside appearance—for others—and the very act of not caring is subversive and maybe even a little rude. Subversive in that it’s not conforming to the beauty standard, which makes others around us realize there are other ways to be, to look.

But rude because we all enjoy looking at that which is appealing much more than that which is not. Yes, part of what we find appealing is socially structured—conforming—so when we break that we’re essentially breaking a social code of behavior.

And yet, in it’s own little way, that code breaking is appealing in itself.

Anyhoo. These thoughts themselves could be better organized, but since it’s a scattered day I’m just going to let them go and go with the flow myself.





5 Random Thoughts: Books, Sex, Sexy Books.

27 04 2012

1.) Reading a good book makes me want to do better things with my life. I don’t know what it is, if it’s the deep development of characters flaws exposed that helps me feel more connected or the philosophical debates on our relationships with each other/universal purpose/existence etc. but for some reason all I want to do is healthy stuff–workout, eat well, read. Maybe I’m just maturing and it happens to be while I’m reading this particular book. I’ll never know!

2.) All these middle aged women are reading 50 Shades of Grey. I guess there are a lot of different scenes involving sex toys which have brought them in droves to our store. It’s nice in a way because I am selling many more upscale toys. Also, I feel like it could be helping women become more sexually open–at least I hope it is. I put a hold on the book at the library–565 people are before me. By the time I get to it the fad will probably be over.

3.) Kegel balls are all the rage. So I bought this Je Joue set from work. Kegel balls are designed to help strengthen the PC muscles which leads to better orgasms and better urinary control. They’re really good for all women to use, though women who have given birth would probably find them the most beneficial. I figured, it can’t hurt to have a tighter stronger nether region so I’ve decided to to do kegel exercises every day for a month. The set I bought comes with three–a beginner one that’s bigger and lighter, a mid-range one that has two smaller balls and is slightly heavier weighted and then finally a smaller  two baller that’s actually quite heavy for the advanced kegeler. I have yet to try the third one, though I think I can do it just fine consider the other two have not been a problem. I’ll let you all know at the end of next month if I notice any changes.

4.) Well, since sexuality is a major theme in my life I guess I will talk about the boring biology of it for a moment. As a few of you know, I haven’t had my period for months now. I’d just like to inform you all that I’M NOT PREGNANT!!! Nor do I have anything else medically wrong that they could find. My body is just weird. I’ll have to channel it. Or drink some good period-inducing herbal tea. Recommendations are welcome.

5. I mainly am talking about it because I’ve been in a bad mood lately and I can’t shake it. I’m wondering if it might be time. Or close to it. If not, then I blame it on boys. It’s all their fault. And I’m giving them up. Again. I swear. At least for a month while I work on my kegel exercises. And my attitude.