Sex: What I am and am not looking for.

28 08 2012

It was just this morning when I realized that even though I get paid poorly (see what I did there) since starting work at the sex store in March I have, in some way, shape, or form gotten hundreds of people off. So, I am making the world a much more pleasurable pleasant place. AND I don’t even have to touch anyone to do it—just point them in the right direction. How grand!

It’s weird being single there.

I can’t decide if it’s an advantage—because I can sell more sex toys—or a disadvantage—because a big chunk (with the biggest chunkiest wallets) are couples.

But it doesn’t really matter because my plan is to stay “mostly single” for a long time.

By “mostly single” I mean that I am currently looking specifically for one friend-with-benefits for the fall.

Cool weather is on the way and I need a convenient reliable person specifically for sex and Netflix watching and nothing else really. I have work and working out and writing to do. I can’t be distracted by a full-blown relationship.  And I’m not going to want to go to the bars all the time—it is expensive and is becoming kind of boring. Also, I’m probably going to move out of Denver in the winter. So . . . what I don’t understand is why this friends w/ benefits thing is hard for others to accept and or really desire.

Like, theoretically people seem fine with it, but once one actually wants to do the FWB thing the other one seems to freak out somehow. I don’t know if it’s because people deep down want an “all or nothing” sort of thing or what. Perhaps all people secretly want other people to love them completely even if they are not capable of giving that kind of love.

Really I am about to give up on the whole concept all together. It’s technically designed to fail, and that’s sort of the beauty in it. For it to fail successfully both people must accept the fact that it’s going to end—whether by mutual agreement (the best kind), one or the other falling deep for someone else (the second best kind), or one or the other falling too deep for the other (the worst kind). If both people are conscious of any of these things happening it can be a successful relationship.

Relationships do not have to be designed to last a lifetime. I don’t know why people are so stuck on this notion. I mean, okay, I guess I do know why since it’s engrained into our psyches from the earliest of ages (think Disney movies etc). But just like our concepts of sexual orientation—that started out in a very binary structure—gay/straight but has now developed into more and more concepts LGTBQQP etc. so too can our concepts of relationship structures. Like how I’m a pansexual ethical slut. Or at least try to be.

Pansexual does not mean I will fuck anything that moves. It means I am attracted to people regardless of their gender identity. Which means, I’m attracted to pretty people. And I’m not talking about just physical appearance (though that helps); I’m talking about who they are as people—their intelligence, their humor, their overall demeanor.

Ethical Slut means that I attempt to be completely open and honest in all relationship dynamics that I have by telling the person I am attracted to what I am looking for so they are not lead into a false situation and can then decide themselves whether or not they are looking for the same thing. I am trying to get better at this. Pure honesty is hard sometimes, but it always feels the best in the end.

Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that if by the fall I have yet to establish a consistent FWB I will probably give up until the spring and at least be reassured (because of my full-time job) that other people are having a good time—and sometimes that’s all one can get.

10 Randoms: Goth Drunk Punched Love Hate Celebrate.

27 08 2012

1.) Last night we witnessed the neighbors walking into their apartment with a new puppy. At the time, I was like “oh my goodness, how adorable”. Today, with the neighbors gone and the puppy left alone I am thinking the exact opposite. So excited to hear this bitch yelp and whine every morning for the next few months.

2.) I almost saw a guy punch another guy while they were waiting for the bus. They were arguing very loudly. I bet that’s going to be an awesome bus ride for everyone.

3.) There are several guys that I used to have mega-crushes on who are now engaged. Good for them for finding love. Good to know someone still believes in it.

4.) I’ve been on a big Bush kick lately. I think this is weird. I even went to a record store trying to find on of their albums, but to no avail.

(I couldn’t find a real video for this song, weird.)

5.) I’m also digging the goth bars more and more. Maybe because the last time I went some guy hit my ass with his paddle… and I’m turning into a masochist.

6.) And maybe a bit of a sadist.

Pain for everyone!

7.) I’ve started working on a new writing project, sort of like a creative-nonfiction fiction sitcom based off of my daily life at the sex toy store. I think it could be “the one.”

8.) Last night we had a “mini-dinner party,” I had forgotten how much I enjoy cooking. It’s therapeutic, I get to cut vegetables with a knife, pound garlic down with my thumbs, smash and grind. It’s a good time. Plus the eating is always nice. I’ve decided I need to do it more. Like at least once a week. The more the merrier. Maybe. Unless you’re an asshole.

(Aren’t you proud of me for putting people in the picture of the food! Falafel for everyone!!!)

9.) Today’s tarot card reading: Ten of Coins and Six of Wands. It appears that I will be having a prosperous day. Yay! Success!

10.)  My friend and I were discussing the theoretical implications of “the friend zone.” He claimed that once you’re in it, it’s almost impossible to get out. And I’ve been thinking about that for awhile and I’m not exactly sure I believe it. Because, I have had people who have grown on me over time; people I initially only looked at as friends but then suddenly, often times out of nowhere, I realized that I liked that person more. So yes, when you’re in “the friend zone” it may take longer, but it can indeed happen. If that’s what you really want. But usually there is a reason they were only friends to begin with. . . (again that’s from someone who is pretty fatalistic/realistic/nihilistic/ about love).