OKC Broadcast Dating Story Disasters.

12 11 2013

So, OK Cupid added this thing where you can “set your broadcast,” which is basically like a facebook status for dates. People use it to make plans within a two-hour time span. As a person with an adventurous spontaneous mentality I have on occasion tested this, sometimes for fun, when I need a few good posts for Aimless, sometimes when I am actually looking for someone to hangout with because all my “friends” are too busy for me.

jack ass

Story 1: No Confirmation

The first time I ever met anyone from a broadcast I put exactly where I was going to be, which, by the way, is a big mistake. I ended up meeting this guy at a bar near me; he was visiting from out of town and we had great conversation about writing, technology, beer etc. This was not like a date or a sexual thing, just two people enjoying life. Eventually it was bar close and it started clearing out. I guess I had seen the guy from the corner of my eye earlier, but randomly this 40ish tall skinny beaten-down looking ginger came up and started talking to us. Like he wouldn’t stop talking to us. He was drunk. Eventually we got out of there; I looked at my phone and he had sent me multiple messages, messages to the point of them feeling stalker-ish. It was weird because generally, at least in my opinion, you wouldn’t go to a place to meet someone unless the other person confirmed that they were indeed in desire of meeting you.

Story 2: Wiped Out.

Another time I had an extra ticket to a movie and I didn’t want to go alone because it looked like it was going to be intense. The movie was indeed intense, there was a lot of murdering and blood and dungeons and overall weirdness, to the point where I felt like I was going to vomit. But I didn’t.

No, I didn’t.

I got this guy into the movie with me, a ticket that would normally cost $13. I bought us a round at the theater. We then ended up at a bar after where we proceeded to get into this ugly argument about gender. Trust that it’s very difficult to win an argument with me about gender, though it’s a subject I thoroughly enjoy engaging in with people regardless of their knowledge or lack there of. Even though we were arguing he’d slip in stuff about going back to my place and wanting to kiss me etc. which I deflected because I was in no way interested.

In any case, I was slightly buzzed and he seemed to have suddenly gotten drunk drunk out of nowhere. I was talking about something, he took a drink of his beer and then out of nowhere spit it up all over me, like the beer projectiled across the table spraying me all across the front of my body. I stared at him in shock for a moment. Then I stared at him in complete annoyance.

“Dude. Aren’t you going to try to, I don’t know, wipe this off of me?” I said.

He just keeps looking down at the table shaking his head, “I can’t.” he replied.

I grabbed napkins from the bar and cleaned myself off.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to go.” I said.

Then he looks at me confused. “Aren’t you going to pay for your beer?”

By this point I was appalled. “Dude. I watched you the entire time while you ordered and they ran your card.”

“Oh. Oh, I don’t remember that.” He said.

I couldn’t handle the situation anymore. So I told him to deal with it; I thanked him for spitting up all over me and I left.

Later I got an apology text from him for being “rude,” but, yeah, that did nothing to help the rudeness at the time.

So. I think perhaps, it’s time to retire the broadcast idea, it’s probably time to retire OKC in general, but that’s a different story.

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The Sexiest Thing a Guy Can Do.

17 03 2013

(And it’s so easy!)

It’s not whispering sweet nothings in my ear, it’s not making 100K a year, it’s not being model fit with abs of steel, the sexiest thing a guy can do is make a decision.

I don’t think I’m alone with this desire either.

How many of us play this game:

via text messages, or phone conversations, or even just sitting around together. I know I have played it far too often and it usually ends with me getting annoyed and not wanting to go out at all anymore.

There are times when text messaging takes so long that I could have gone to the store, bought groceries, come back, cooked said groceries and eaten said food in the amount of time it took to figure out where we want to eat. It’s so not hot.

decisions

I understand that upon not really knowing another person well it may be more difficult because one does not know what the other person likes or where they would be good together, but please, if they like you and you like a place, there’s a big chance that they’re going to like that place too.

I just get so tired of the back and forth. Perhaps that’s why I went out with a dom for so long. He’d text me: let’s hang out. I’d say, okay. He’d say, I’ll pick you up at 8. And then we would go somewhere, no long submissive argument. And if I wanted to go somewhere specific, we’d go there, done.

Why is this so hard?

And why is this difficulty so common?

Does it actually come down to passiveness or is it the desire to please that makes these lack of decisions occur so often in our relations to other people?

I’m totally okay with picking something to do, but it should not always be one person deciding.

After doing this for years now, it’s beyond attractive to me now when people know what they want.

Decision making demonstrates a confidence that is very very sexy. We can worry about the sweet nothings, the 100K and the rock hard abs after we actually get somewhere together (and those traits will still not make a difference to me, but that’s another blog for another day).





The Period Means Go.

28 05 2012

It’s the home stretch now kids. Only four more days of Manless May. I realized that I accidentally scheduled hanging out with a man tonight. I may have to cancel, even though I don’t think it technically counts, but just in case.

It doesn’t count because the best thing happened to me the other day.

Can you guess?

It’s what I’ve been waiting for for months. Four months, actually.

My period FINALLY started!

And yes, I had gone to the doctor and they had told me that nothing was wrong even though I hadn’t bled in months, but I didn’t want to take any chances. It was one of the main reasons I gave up dating. I felt that if my body wasn’t behaving properly that I should take time off from people to give it the opportunity to revive. Now it has!

Since my period started I’ve been attempting to come up with the grossest things I can say about it to describe to people what’s happening. Here are a few of them:

IT’S LIKE A HORROR MOVIE DOWN THERE!

IT’S LIKE BRUNCH IS COMING OUT OF MY VAG!!! (this is a bloody Mary reference)

IT’S LIKE A KETCHUP BOTTLE EXPLODED IN MY PANTIES!!!

IT’S LIKE I’M BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!!

Please feel free to tell me one of yours. It just doesn’t work well to have a 13-year-old-boy sense of humor and then have something so mature happen to me. I feel like I’m not grown-up enough to handle this. Because it’s been a long time. Seriously. I had a 3-day period in January, besides that, I haven’t had one for years. Years!!! Thanks to progesterone-only pills and depo (DO NOT TAKE DEPO, if you’re on it right now GET OFF, it’s SOOOO bad). Anyway, it’s sort of like I’m going through puberty all over again. I even have zits. Plenty and plenty of zits. I don’t know how many of you remember me in junior high–but damn–it’s not quite that bad, but it’s getting there.

One day balance will come.

I just have to let all the weird hormones release from my system.

Taking the month off was really good for me. I remember reading this article about women who take birth control being attracted to a different kind of man then when not on birth control (because of hormone changes). And how many times these couples end up getting married, then the woman gets off the birth control and discovers she’s not so into the guy like originally thought. Yikes. That would be awful. I’m just curious the type of guy I’m going to start being attracted to now that the hormones are closer to being out of my system. Will it be a John Wayne type or will it a James Franco type (like it has always been). Either way I’d like the person to be rich.

Perhaps June will be full of me going to expensive bars trying to find a sugar daddy.

No, no, no. I still have too much writing to do.





Putting My Foot in Your Mouth.

24 05 2012

I’ve finally realized what creeps me out about foot fetishes.

The word, “fetish” itself.

Because I’ve never understood why liking feet has to be considered a fetish.

I’ve done my research. And liking feet isn’t technically a fetish because the feet are not an object–they’re connected to a person– it’s actually a partialism, a part of the body that is of high importance for sexual arousal. When it turns into shoes, as in needing a good pair of shoes to get off– that’s a fetish.

It feels like people are using “fetish” in place of anything that might get them off that isn’t vanilla sex. Like anything someone is attracted to that isn’t “normal” is called a fetish. Perhaps that’s where we’re moving. Or perhaps there are conflicting ideas about its definition.

All I know is that being attracted to feet shouldn’t necessarily be any weirder than liking someone’s breast or butt or clavicle or whatever. It’s being obessessed with feet–to the point of only being able to come if feet are involved–that seems to be the issues that creeps me out.

Also–feet do nothing for me. I think they’re probably the least attractive part of a human body, not saying they’re super ugly, just not a favorite. I don’t really get why so many people are into them, that’s the other issue. It has more to do with me not understanding it, but everyone has their thing. So, I’m just going to leave it at that and walk away.





5 Random Thoughts: Books, Sex, Sexy Books.

27 04 2012

1.) Reading a good book makes me want to do better things with my life. I don’t know what it is, if it’s the deep development of characters flaws exposed that helps me feel more connected or the philosophical debates on our relationships with each other/universal purpose/existence etc. but for some reason all I want to do is healthy stuff–workout, eat well, read. Maybe I’m just maturing and it happens to be while I’m reading this particular book. I’ll never know!

2.) All these middle aged women are reading 50 Shades of Grey. I guess there are a lot of different scenes involving sex toys which have brought them in droves to our store. It’s nice in a way because I am selling many more upscale toys. Also, I feel like it could be helping women become more sexually open–at least I hope it is. I put a hold on the book at the library–565 people are before me. By the time I get to it the fad will probably be over.

3.) Kegel balls are all the rage. So I bought this Je Joue set from work. Kegel balls are designed to help strengthen the PC muscles which leads to better orgasms and better urinary control. They’re really good for all women to use, though women who have given birth would probably find them the most beneficial. I figured, it can’t hurt to have a tighter stronger nether region so I’ve decided to to do kegel exercises every day for a month. The set I bought comes with three–a beginner one that’s bigger and lighter, a mid-range one that has two smaller balls and is slightly heavier weighted and then finally a smaller  two baller that’s actually quite heavy for the advanced kegeler. I have yet to try the third one, though I think I can do it just fine consider the other two have not been a problem. I’ll let you all know at the end of next month if I notice any changes.

4.) Well, since sexuality is a major theme in my life I guess I will talk about the boring biology of it for a moment. As a few of you know, I haven’t had my period for months now. I’d just like to inform you all that I’M NOT PREGNANT!!! Nor do I have anything else medically wrong that they could find. My body is just weird. I’ll have to channel it. Or drink some good period-inducing herbal tea. Recommendations are welcome.

5. I mainly am talking about it because I’ve been in a bad mood lately and I can’t shake it. I’m wondering if it might be time. Or close to it. If not, then I blame it on boys. It’s all their fault. And I’m giving them up. Again. I swear. At least for a month while I work on my kegel exercises. And my attitude.





Why I’m Not Having Sex (with you).

28 03 2012

I just got an email from Health.com that read, “10 Reasons Why You’re Not Having Sex” and I’d just like to point out that they are wrong. Those are not the 10 reasons why I’m not having sex.

These are the 10 reasons I’m not having sex.

1.) I am alone.

Currently I am living the single life. I know this doesn’t usually stop people, but lately I haven’t really felt like giving it up to randoms.

2.) My bed is too comfortable.

I sleep diagonally and I really don’t want anyone to ruin that for me.

3.) My lack of meds is turning me into a crazy person.

I went off birth control at the beginning of October and it’s turned me a little nutty. Mood swings, up and down desires, zits, emotional roller-coasters, fun times such as that. I’m glad that I’m getting it out of my system but since my period isn’t regular yet, I don’t want to add any one else to my potential “baby-daddy” list right now.

4.) My not-very-busy life-style. 

I am boring. The end.

5.) I am too sexy.

The article talked about body-image issues and you know what, I’m tired of that excuse. We all have our hang-ups. There are things I don’t like about my body (depending on the lighting) but I accept my body and I try to take care of it–and if that’s not good enough for someone else than they don’t deserve to enjoy it.

6.) I’m addicted to my vibrator! 

Well, not yet, because I just got it last night. But I could be very soon and I’m okay with that. It’s safer, more reliable, we don’t have to talk about anything, I can change the speed and pulsation at a click of a button, it fits in a drawer, it’s a one-time purchase that will last me for years without any arguments. So yeah, addicted–no, but I don’t see the problem with it being my source of orgasm as opposed to some stranger I could pick up at a bar (and then not even get off with).

7.) I smell.

Maybe people just aren’t attracted to my pheremones or my hairy armpits.

8.) I’m a cyborg!

Part of the problem is that I spend too much time online and not enough time in the real world. Sure, I have plenty of online dating messages, but none of them ever seem to pan out, even after we meet. Perhaps online dating creates too much pressure, or it just feels forced, or the connection is just never there.

9. Crushed-Out.

I can’t decide if I have a crush on this one particular person or if I actually do not. If I do then I’m going about it all wrong. If I don’t than it’s all fine and dandy. I don’t know if this is necessarily preventing me from having sex, but it’s in the back of my mind when I meet other people. Not that I care to ever be monogamous again, but developing a stronger relationship with some people over others is still a priority for me-if said person is worth that stronger development.

I know that I shouldn’t have a crush on this person because we’re actually probably not a very good fit. We each have other more compatible people out there in the world for us. But I can’t help it. And it’s sad to me when a crush fades so maybe I’m just trying to hold onto that feeling because I like the feeling, not because the crush is ever going to develop into anything.

10.) I am lazy (and picky) 

Sex takes a lot of effort and energy and time and care and consideration. And I don’t think I have much of any of that right now. So. Besides my on-going affair with Tango I plan to stay sex-free for awhile.

So take THAT Health.com I don’t need to do it with anyone else to be happy and content and fulfilled. I mean, yes, it could be nice, COULD be, but I’m not going to get all worried about it if it’s not happening with anyone. I’ll just be happy and content and fulfilled with myself.