Go Green Or Die Young(ish).

10 03 2012

I’m thinking about going raw vegan…not for life but for like a detox, get-back-to-healthy thing. Anyway. I’m starting slowly, because I still like warm foods. But, I also lloovvveee fruits and vegetables and nuts so I don’t think it would be THAT weird to do it for a month or two.

Anyway. I talk about it here:

I went to Healthy Blender Recipes for the smoothie.

Though I changed the recipe, which is totally allowed in raw vegan land.

GreenTime Smoothie

4 romaine lettuce leaves

2 cups pineapple

1 mango

grated ginger

1 cup filtered water

pinch of salt

(I then added ice because I wanted it colder)

It’s actually pretty tasty AND healthy, can’t beat that.

I wish I owned a freaking Vitamix… those things cost as much as a old used car.

Know. Know.

7 02 2012

I was talking to this cute Rottweiler/Lab mix last night about Foucault and his theory of the eye of power. I was like, “yo dog, how do you know the things that you know?” And the dog looked at me and was like, “because my master tells me so.” And so we agreed.

I’ve seen quite a few people fall lately. The other night we left the bar and this doode grabbed my roommate’s ass. I did not see this. But I did see him seconds later run smack into a pole. Just like in the cartoons. It was so amazing. Then, I think he must have had a concussion or something because he was standing by his car, drunk as fuck like he was going to actually DRIVE, and he pulled down his pants and tried to show us his balls. Of course they were so small we couldn’t see a thing. Falling changes people.


I like not wearing a bra if I have on the right kind of shirt.

I have been craving tofu all day. This proves I am indeed vegan. Though, back in undergrad when I was just a sad regular vegetarian  I used to eat bowls of carrots covered with sunflower seeds and italian dressing every time I got drunk. People used to get really weirded out by that. I’m telling you all it’s delicious. I need to go to the grocery store. I am a professional at putting that off. Yesterday I made hummus and finally got the consistency right, but I am out of anything to dip in it. I do not know why I bothered making hummus knowing I had nothing to dip in it. You know, people don’t use the word “dip” to describe other people as often as they should. I’m going to attempt to bring it back.

Does this seem like one of the longest weeks so far to anyone else?

Maybe it was just because yesterday was so long and I barely slept. I blame my roommate and her friends for this problem. But she brought me hash browns this afternoon so I am not complaining.

Coffee makes me go weeeeeee (and yes I mean that in multiple ways). 

The new Dr. Dog album isn’t bad. Though it sounds a lot like their old album. I guess if you got something good, don’t change it.

Speaking of change. I’m quite enjoying being platinum blonde. I’ve never been this blonde before and yeah, assholes, it’s fun. I can pull off red. I love wearing red now. I even bought a new pair of red glasses and I can’t wait until they get here and get on my face.

Fuck. I’m going to take a shower and put on clothes, though I don’t really want to and I wonder why and how people do it so often. But I’m trying to adapt. I’m trying to fit in. Why won’t you all just accept me for the pantless lover that I am?

My 5 Favorite Things Right Now.

26 01 2012

And They’re Vegan, Wohoo!

Alright. So, I’m not much for capitalism. But we live in it and sometimes we have to buy stuff. Here are some of my favorite things to buy right now.

1) Vegan Queso

I wanted to write this blog mainly to talk about vegan queso made by a company called Food For Lovers. I knew nothing about it until Spencer’s Market offered it as a deal (they sell discounted produce). Anyway, this stuff has no fat, no soy, no nuts, no dairy, no cholesterol.

Imitation cheese without even any fat!

Most people would probably imagine it tasting like dry dog food, but I’m telling you all it’s delicious. Maybe it’s because I haven’t had cheese in so long, but I don’t think that’s it. I think even cheese lovers would enjoy eating this.

It’s junk food without ALL the junk.

I love being vegan.

(While drunk I fried up a potato and dumped queso on it (cuz I was out of chips) soooo freaking good!)

2) Sir Richard’s Condoms

Speaking of vegan. If you’re one to go out and have protected safer sex, Sir Richard’s condoms are best. Not only do they contain no casein (a milk protein) but for every condom you buy they donate one to a developing country. So people all around the world can have fun and be STD-free too! They also recently developed a mail-order system, where you can have as many Sir Richard’s Condoms delivered to your door every month as you (think you) need. How convenient. How sexy.

3) Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap

I know all of you hippies have been using this soap for years, but I just got turned onto it a couple of months ago. And it really is magic. Fair-trade, never tested on animals, vegan, contained in a recycled bottled. I have the lavender scent and I like to follow the tip on the bottle and dump a bit on a hot towel and just lay it over my face. It feels (and smells) so good.

I saw there was a documentary on this soap company available on netflix, has anyone watched it? Is it worth it? Feel a little lame watching a documentary about soap…but perhaps it’s better than it sounds? 

4) Eco-Lips Bee Free Chapstick

Most chapstick is made with beeswax, and yo homedogs the bees are in some trouble. No point in adding to the issue when bee-free chapstick exists.


5) PBR

I love being kind to my environment, but sometimes a girl just has to get her drink on. And when I do, it’s usually with a good reliable Pabst Blue Ribbon. Yeah, maybe it’s the beer of choice for every-day hipsters, but even though they may not have good taste in eyewear (I mean seriously, what’s up with those glasses), they have good taste in cheap beer.