7 Randoms: Willing to Sacrifice. . .

3 10 2012

1.) This is rough, but if you wake up with a hangover and want to feel better quicker the best thing to remedy this is to go for a run. It hurts, let me tell you, but if you want to move on to doing something more productive than sleeping or barely watching netflix put on some tennis shoes and get your ass moving. The hangover part goes away; if you feel like crap because you didn’t get enough sleep–well that’s another issue.

2.) I’m beginning to think that only masochists like working out. Have you ever met a sadist who enjoys jogging? I haven’t. There has to be some sort of connection between the adrenaline / endorphin rush of exercise and the adrenaline / endorphin rush of getting flogged. I’m sure the body is releasing very similar chemicals. (And I’m sure if I actually researched it I could prove it, but who has time for that?).

If sadists want new play partners maybe they should just bring their paddle to the gym. They could probably get a whole class of people into it, particularly if they told them it burnt a least a hundred calories per hour.

3.)  My roommate wants to go on a juice cleanse. The problem is we don’t have a juicer. So instead we thought we could just fast. Or find a different kind of cleanse. The only one we could come up with was a drinking cleanse. Where all we consumed all week was gin. Just gin. I don’t think it’s the healthiest choice.

4.) Crazy News. I just found out that my good friend is a republican.

That’s right.

Republican.

And a good friend.

Oxymoron, I do think so.

I don’t know what to do!

There are several issues here. The first is how in the world did I ever become friends with a republican and not know it?

The second is, now that I know what am I supposed to do?

It’s not like I’m so evil I’m going to stop being her friend. She’s fiscally conservative, but what I don’t ever get from that sort of republican mentality is the fact that everything intersects. So, if someone is pro-choice but is going to vote for Romney because he can “fix the economy,” one needs to look at how the economy is going to be fixed exactly when women have no rights to their bodies and have to give birth when they don’t want to and feed children they can’t pay for; all the while, the population continues to grow, resources continue to get more and more scarce, inflation becomes ridiculous, more and more people end up in privatized prisons and disease becomes even more rampant.

I don’t think someone can be economically conservative and yet be anti-choice. So yeah, that’s just one mega dramatic example of why I am in shock that I’ve been friends with this person for so long and never had these kinds of conversations before.

I think I need advice on this one.

Also, I’m going to see Obama tomorrow. We’re going to have lunch. Or I’m going to wake up incredibly early and go to a rally, either way.

5.) I’m pretty sure my neighbor has a magical rose bush. I’ve been jogging by his house since the spring and since the spring there have always been roses in bloom. And it’s weird because if they were like the same color of roses that would make sense, but almost every month it’s a different color from the same bush. I don’t get it, though I know very little about flowers. I’m just going to keep enjoying the magic I guess.

6.) Two weeks ago ish I’m at Lost Lake. It’s crowded. Out of nowhere this guy grabs my dress and pulls me over to him. He’s cute, whatever. We talk for like a minute. We exchange numbers. He finds me on facebook. Friday we end up at Beauty Bar. He talks to me for a minute and then tries to get me to come home with him. I deny this invitation. I deny it over and over again. Another friend shows up. I go talk to him. Blah blah, he leaves. The next day he sends me a text asking if I smoke marijuana. I ignore it for multiple reasons. At like 2:30 in the morning on both facebook and in a text he writes me:

“you think your so hot you can just blow me off funny” (I did not correct grammar here).

Now. I just want to take a moment with this. First of all, no one should ever talk to me or anyone else this way. Secondly, if he knew anything about me at all he would know that  1.) I don’t think I’m hot 2.) If I did think I was hot I still would never think being “hot” is an excuse to blow someone off. In fact, your physical attraction level does not lend permissions of any kind in regards to manners or behavior. People, no matter what they look like, should attempt to be thoughtful and considerate whenever possible. He obviously didn’t believe this considering how he spoke to me.

And in case you’re curious, I did respond. I told him:

“I have no idea how I blew you off. I feel uncomfortable and sad by the tone in your text. I try to surround myself with positive people who make me feel good about being alive. With that being said, I do not think I can hang out with you again. I hope you enjoy Denver.”

I blocked him on facebook.

Let’s hope if I indeed ever accidentally run into him (as Denver is a very small city) he’s chill.

7.) Finally, I need a theme song for my fall romantic life. Something that leads me away from crazy rude dudes. Summer’s theme song was Maneater by Hall and Oats. I need something equally awesome.

Maybe this?





5 Randoms: My Walk is as Cheap as my Heels.

25 07 2012

1) Along with my regular workout, which is basically just running around the park followed by some sit-ups and push-ups, I have now incorporated not only KEGEL BALLs to strength my PC muscles (more, stronger, better orgasms + no pee leaking in old age) I’ve also started wearing high heels for like 20 minutes every day. High heels are hard. Walking anywhere in them is my biggest issue considering I have one of the fastest walks on the planet and when I add heels it cuts my time in half. Sad. Why am I concerned with heels?

I’m not necessarily concerned with them. But sometimes my work sells them for really cheap and I feel compelled to buy them, but there really is no point on owning them if I’m not going to wear them.

I got these purple heels for under five dollars. Aren’t they cute?

2.) Not too many super weird things have happened at work lately. Though the other day this guy asked me if we sold the nuva-ring. There was a lesbian couple standing at the counter checking out and I sort of looked at them like, “is this guy serious?” then turned to him and said, “the nuva-ring, like the birth control device? Like the thing you wear for three weeks full of hormones that you need a prescription for?”

He was like, “uugghh yeah, I think that’s what it’s called.”

Do we look like Planned Parenthood? Do any of us look like medical professionals? No dude. No.

3) July has been a lot like Manless May without the catch phrase.

4) I leave for Chicago very early tomorrow morning. I’m mostly excited to see all my lovely Chicago friends + ride the el + dip in the lake + drink martinis at the kit kat + be in a city where not EVERYONE knows my name. Seriously, Denver, you’re too small.

5) Yes, people, I’m thinking about moving out of here; if you have any suggestions, I’m open.





Dear Charlie: Fuck You.

10 05 2012

But Now I’m a Little More Fit. So, Ha!

I was awoken at 6 o’clock this morning by the ripping excruciating pain of a Charlie Horse throbbing in my leg.

So I did the most illogical thing I could think of.

I went for a run.

I actually think my act of defiance worked. It was a better decision then staying in bed and having another one. Also, it gave me some “me time” before going to work for eight hours, which is where I probably established the beginning workings of said cramp. Standing on concrete every day for eight hours will do that.

Plus, now I got my healthy stuff done for the day, I worked out, I meditated, I drank a smoothie with spinach in it and everything (sorry for the noise Emily). If life is about balance I wonder how I’m going to fuck all that up tonight. I did rent a Star Trek porn, so it will probably be that and some Jameson. Real classy.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a guy.

Not a man.

I feel like I was born into the right body and all that. But lately my masculine traits have been featured more in my day to day life. Am I transforming into a bro? For the love of the goddess help me.

Back to running. The thing is I like running, particularly in the morning, but I don’t like waking up in the morning. So there’s a problem there. I wish I could wake up every morning and run like super awesome healthy people do, and I know I COULD but sleeping is just so wonderful. I have motivation now. Sex.

Woah! woah! woah! You scream, “I thought this was MANLESS MAY!?!?!”

Don’t get your boxers in a bunch buddy.

It is.

But soon May will be over. And what better time then now, while I’m man-free to get sexy?

And by sexy, I mean sexier. And by sexier I mean improved endurance and definition.

Now, I know, there’s a lot of  people in my circle of people who discuss the concepts of body-image and media’s distorted portrayal, I can buy that argument–I mean it’s pretty obvious. But also, every individual has their own standards at which they feel attractive. Exercising gives me energy, which is the number one important thing to me.

And I’d like to be completely honest here, I don’t feel comfortable when I gain weight. It’s been a long time since it’s happened, like maybe when I was still just a vegetarian who drank too much beer, but if I put on too much fat on my hips it literally hurts. It’s not something I can get used to. Ever.  Everyone has their own level of comfort, their own level of standards for what makes them feel and look good.

So yeah, now that I’m done with that tangent, I ran today not just to defy Charlie and his stupid horse in my leg, but because I have a couple of mini-crushes and it’s good to always be prepared. One never knows where a crush may lead. . . (except in Man-less May, it’s pretty obvious it’s at least going to lead into June.)