Just 5 Examples of the Downfall of Humanity.

2 06 2012

What is Wrong with People?

1. I took a short cut through the alley; I had no intention of dumpster diving, but of course someone had thrown out a bunch of clothes so I took a peak. No good clothes but I found a bag of money. MONEY!!! Granted it was pesos but it was money nonetheless. Who throws away money?

“I don’t know, we’re probably not going to ever go back to Mexico, do we need this? No? Oh, it would be such a hassle to go to the currency exchange wouldn’t it? Yes. Okay, let’s just throw it out with these old sweat pants.”

2. I was standing in line for the restroom at this mexican restaurant on Broadway this 40-year-old woman comes out of the stall and says to her friend (but also everyone else in the room) “I’m not going to wash my hands!” I look at her and I go, “that’s disgusting!” She laughs and says, “But it’s so much work.”

Yeah, and giving everyone else your urine germs is so much better?

Then, while holding her rum and coke, she rummages through her purse and say, “I need to take some tylenol I’m getting a headache.”

I respond, “You really shouldn’t take tylenol while your drinking, your liver will hate you.”

She just looks at me for a split second and continues rummages.

The bathroom stall opens again, it’s finally my turn, I loudly reply, “FINE I’LL JUST BE THE MOM HERE THAT NO ONE LISTENS TO.” And then I go pee.

3. I am at an art gallery opening, there are stuffed animals of no real shape hanging from wire trees. This is art today.

4. Our neighbors have a dog with no manners. Still, after like 6 months, it growls at us. Lately our neighbors have been letting the dog sit outside on the porch with a pretty long leash. Now, if I were a dog owner I’d totally do the same thing, but the difference would be that I’d actually have control of my dog and I’d actually have a dog that liked people. She blocks the stairs. She scares our friends. She’s ugly. Sorry, it’s mean for me to say, but it’s true. Move that damn bitch.

(I wish she was as cute as this mean dog)

5. People are literally eating each other. Understandably, I don’t know how much of these stories I believe, but it doesn’t really matter how many of them are true–you know it’s happened at least once–and that’s enough.